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Because I received some positive comments about the post about each day’s seconds being akin to a day’s money in the bank, today’s them is . . . banks.
Enjoy.
Caution: some risqué language.
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SOME HUMOUR:
__________
A woman visits a bank in downtown NYC and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. The banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.
Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, plus $50 interest.
The banker says, "Thanks for doing business with us. But, while you were away, we did a bit of research and discovered you are an extremely wealthy woman. Why did you need a loan?"
She replied, "Where else can I park my vehicle for $50 for a week in NYC?"
__________
Banks should really do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.
I went to four different ones today and they all said "Insufficient Funds"
__________
A man walks into the bank and tells the teller: "I want to open a fucking checking account."
The teller, upset, says "We don't tolerate language like that here."
The man asks "What's the fucking problem? It's not like anyone really gives a shit!"
The teller then leaves without a word, to go and speak to the manager about how to deal with this man. The manager, hearing the story, goes back to the man to see what the problem is.
After asking the man, he responds with " There is no fucking problem. All I wanna do is cash my 10 million dollar cheque from winning the lottery and then put it in this goddamn bank!"
The manager responds with "Oh, and is this bitch over here giving you any problems, sir?"
__________
A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank.
"How much do you want to deposit?" asks the bank employee.
Whispers the man, "Three million."
"You can speak up," says the bank clerk. "In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace."
__________
A naked woman robbed a bank in broad daylight
She wasn't caught because no one from the bank remembers her face.
__________
A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:
"Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"
__________
A man calls the First National Bank of Texas. The automated voice answers, "Hello, how can I assist you today?" The man says, "Withdrawal"
The automated voice says, "YEEHAW! HOW Y'ALL RECKON I CAN HELP?!"
__________
A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”
The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”
__________
My husband said to me, “You’re an eight on a scale of ten.”
I still don’t know why he wants me to urinate on a skeleton.
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I got fired from my job at a bank today
Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
__________
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank
The rabbit says : I think I might be a type O.
(You have to think about it but I love it).
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
Some birdwatchers through their field glasses
See flashes of heaving bare arses.
Now do you see why.
Though bloodshot eye,
Birdwatching appeals to the masses.
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GALLERY:
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CORN CORNER:
__________
What do they call a bra in Holland?
Stoppemfromfloppen
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My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did.
Account balance: $9.11
__________
England has no kidney bank but...
It does have a Liverpool
__________
I want my bank to treat me the same way women do
Zero per cent interest rate
__________
My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance
I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone.
That was nice of them to say.
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