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Friday, May 3, 2024

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

(Sounds like Colonel Jessep in a Few Good Men).

READERS WRITE AND UNICORNS

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Recently I posted some Bible oddities, which included numerous verses referring to unicorns.

It prompted Tim B to send me an email:

Hi Otto, we know why there are no unicorns today.

The Unicorn Song - The Irish Rovers - Lyrics , - YouTube

The link provided by Tim is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4bc9UwZsYs

The lyrics of the song tell the story of Noah and his ark, taking in the animals two by two, however the unicorns were hiding, playing games, kicking and splashing while the rain was coming down, and they literally missed the boat.

Thanks Tim.

There are some other explanations for their extinction:

This one is sad . . .

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Some facts and trivia about unicorns:

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In medieval Europe, where food poisoning was common (both as hazard of poor domestic hygiene and as a tool of political assassination), unicorn horns were believed to neutralise poison.

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In 1577 Queen Elizabeth was gited by explorer Martin Frobisher what was believed to be a unicorn horn but was actually a Narwhal tusk. It is now part of the Crown Jewels and known as the Horn of Windsor.

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The unicorn was adopted as the national animal of Scotland in the 1300s. Scotland’s connections with the unicorn stem from its Celtic culture. Celtic mythology believed unicorns to represent innocence and purity whilst also being associated with chivalry, pride and boldness. The unicorn is also the natural enemy of the lion, adopted by English royalty some 100 years before.

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To test whether a horn was a true unicorn horn, King James once poisoned a servant, believing that unicorn horns neutralise poison. When the servant died, King James knew the horn was a fake.

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King James I introduced the unicorn into the British royal coat of arms in 1603, to symbolize his joint sovereignty over England and Scotland.

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In the 17th century, what people believed to be "powdered unicorn horn" was valued at well over its weight in gold. It was most likely made of narwhal tusks harvested off the coast of Greenland.

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The narwhal is sometimes called a sea unicorn. A narwhal's horn is a tooth that has grown into a long, spiral tusk.

Narwhal comparison with a human

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Artists of the Middle Ages believed that only a virgin could capture a unicorn.

The Maiden and the Unicorn by Domenichino, 1602.

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In the Middle Ages, books called bestiaries listed the biological properties of unicorns. These books were also the first source to claim that virgins had power over unicorns.

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The earliest reference to unicorns is found in the works of Herodotus (484–425 BC). He describes the existence of an Indian "wild ass" with one horn. He was probably describing the Indian rhino.

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Greek historian Ctesias of Cnidas wrote the first description of a unicorn that sparked the unicorn craze. In his book Persica, unicorns are depicted as having a purple head, blue eyes, and a multicolored horn.

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Adventurer Marco Polo believed that he had seen unicorns and wrote, "they are very ugly brutes to look at." He was probably describing rhinoceroses.

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The King James translation of the Old Testament refers to unicorns 9 times because of the mistranslation of the Hebrew word re'em, which is the Assyrian word rimu, which refers to an extinct species of wild ox.

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Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, issues unicorn quest permits. Unicorn hunters are advised to bring a pair of pinking shears and a flask of cognac.

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The word "unicorn" comes from the Latin word unicornis, meaning "one horn."

Clare Danes in Stardust, a delightful little film

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Because the ancient Greeks believed unicorns were real, the creatures are not included in Greek mythology but rather Greek natural history. The Greeks believed that unicorns lived in India, which they thought was a realm of mystery.

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An early depiction of what archaeologists thought was a unicorn was found in France's Lascaux Caves, dating as far back as 15,000 BC. However, archaeologists later found that it was actually two horns.

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On his way to conquer India, Genghis Khan said he had seen a unicorn, which he thought was a sign from his deceased father to turn back.

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A Pegasi is a unicorn with wings and is able to fly. A Pegasus is a winged horse but not a unicorn.

A unicorn's horn is called an alicorn.

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According to legend, a unicorn holds the power to divine truth and will pierce a liar's heart with its horn.

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A baby unicorn is called a sparkle.

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The Indus Valley Civilization (3300 BC–1300 BC) used a unicorn emblem to seal clay tablets.

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A group of unicorns is called a blessing.

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The Chinese unicorn has a short, curly horn.

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According to ancient Chinese mythology, a unicorn, or ki-lin, gave the emperor a package of symbols that taught the Chinese people their first written words.

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According to some myths, Adam named the unicorn first when he named all the animals. God then reached down and touched the unicorn's horn, a sign that it was blessed above all creatures.

In some versions of the biblical story, unicorns refused to board Noah's Ark. When the earth flooded, the unicorns started to swim. However, birds landed on their backs and weighed them down, so the unicorns sank below the waves, never to be seen again.

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One of the most famous tapestries in the world is called "The Hunt of the Unicorn" and is filled with Christian beliefs and symbols.

The Unicorn Tapestries or the Hunt of the Unicorn is a series of seven tapestries made in the South Netherlands around 1495–1505, and now in The Cloisters in New York. They were possibly designed in Paris and show a group of noblemen and hunters in pursuit of a unicorn through an idealised French landscape.

The Unicorn crosses a stream

The Unicorn defends itself

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Various cultures have different iterations of unicorn myths. Some of the most famous are the Asian unicorn, Southern unicorn, and European unicorn.

The Asian unicorn is said to gallop so smoothly that it doesn't crush even one blade of grass.

In most cultural myths, unicorns have long, flowing tails. However, Asian unicorns have short tails.

An Asian unicorn's coat can be scaly and either yellow, white, blue, red or black; some mythical Asian unicorns can even change colors.

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According to European myth, unicorns are fairly shy, but you could tell if one was close by the sweet smell of cinnamon in the air.

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In unicorn mythology, unicorns are born without a horn; it usually takes about a year for the horn to grow to full size.

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The Throne Chair of Denmark is made from "unicorn horns," which are most likely narwhal horns.

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One final fact, spoilers ahead.

Blade Runner is a 1982 science fiction film, directed by Ridley Scott and starring Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, and Edward James Olmos. It’s one of my Top 10 films, it id set in a dystopian future Los Angeles of 2019, in which synthetic humans known as replicants are bio-engineered by the powerful Tyrell Corporation to work on space colonies, When a fugitive group of advanced replicants led by Roy Batty (Hauer) escapes back to Earth, burnt-out cop Rick Deckard reluctantly agrees to hunt them down. Replicants have been banned from Earth after a replicant uprising and the persons who hunt them down are known as Blade Runners.

Deckard falls for replicant Rachael, who genuinely believes that she is not a replicant until he recounts her private, implanted memories.

The relevance of the unicorn is that Deckard, sitting at a piano, begins ddraeming of a unicorn running through a field. Later, Officer Gaff leaves him an origami unicorn, showing that that was also an implanted memory and that Deckard is himself an unknowing replicant. It gives an added meaning to Gaff’s closing remark to Deckard: “You’ve done a man’s job, sir.”

Thursday, May 2, 2024

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Byters and readers:

Willkommen. Bienvenido. Bienvenue. Benvenuto. Hela.

Or, in more common parlance, welcome.

In even more common parlance, g’day, how are ya?

It’s time for another Funny Friday, people, and today’s theme is ‘food’, for an obvious reason. There is more than a smattering of Jewish humour, I love it.

Some risque content included.

Enjoy.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

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An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

An African student: What's food?

A European student: What's scarcity?

An American student: What are 'other countries'?

A Chinese student: What's 'my own opinion'?

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Mende isl eating at Minky’s Diner, where he orders his favorite matzah ball chicken soup from Steve, his regular waiter. As Steve is walking away, Mendel calls him back.

“Please taste this soup,” Mendel says.

“Why?” asks Steve. “What’s the matter? It’s the same soup as you always have.”

“Please taste the soup,” Mendel repeats.

“But there’s nothing wrong with your soup,” says Steve.

“For the third time, Steve, I ask you to please taste the soup,” says Mendel.

“All right then, if you insist,” says Steve, looking around the table. “But where’s the spoon?”

“Ah hah!” exclaims Mendel.

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The afternoon was drawing to a close, and the guests were getting ready to leave.

"Mrs. Goldberg," said one of the ladies. "I just wanted to tell you that your cookies were so delicious I ate four of them."

"You ate five," responded Mrs. Goldberg. "But who's counting?"

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A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss’s wife; had sex with his boss’s 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister in-law.

I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: “I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.”

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Menachem is talking to his psychiatrist. “I had a weird dream recently,” he says. “ I saw my mother, but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I lay there thinking about it until it was time to get up and have breakfast. So I made myself some coffee and a slice of toast, and came straight here. Can you help me explain the meaning of my dream?” The psychiatrist keeps silent for some time, then says: “One slice of toast and coffee. You call that breakfast?”

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It was Passover and two Jewish attorneys, Saul and David, who worked downtown met at a food court to have lunch. Saul and David proceeded to produce matzah sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

One of the waiters in the food court marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own food in here!"

Saul and David looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged matzah sandwiches.

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A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating his matzah, complete with perforations and all.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighbourly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzah to the blind man.

The blind man handled the matzah for a few minutes, concentrating intently, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this? It's genius! "

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I stood in line at a Vietnamese food truck for an hour.

When I finally got to the window, they were sold out and closing for the day.

What a big Pho queue.

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A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.

As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?" Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"

"No," he stammers, "But it's twitchin’ a little."

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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?"

He said, "Yes, I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this stuff but me."

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

Winkleigh is a small village in Devon, England. In 2011 the historic farming village topped a list of 2,400 postcodes in England and Wales ranked according to their suitability for family living.

A wanton young lady from Winkleigh

Reproached for not acting quite primly

Said, "Heavens above!

I know sex isn't love,

But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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I accidentally ate my cat's food last night

Don't ask meow

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I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mould/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some foods easily being shipped to places they previously wouldn’t have survived due to long journeys, and families could store food to eat when it wasn’t available fresh.

However, reports of illness around certain foods started to become prevalent. Pickles foods would frequently “go bad” much sooner than other canned foods, and even though the food tasted the same, people would report illness very soon after eating older pickled products. After years of analysing (crudely) samples of purportedly problematic pickles, scientists finally concluded the preserved foods themselves were fine—it was the cans that were the problem!

They discovered certain food solutions—like pickle brine—could “leach” harmful chemicals from tin, much faster than non-brined foods. As an experiment, they started un-canning recently preserved pickles and putting pickled food in glass containers instead of tin. Jarred pickles tasted exactly the same and were preserved just as well as their canned counterparts, but nobody got sick!

In the end, the conclusion was uncanny and jarring.

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My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with food.

I wasn’t really listening, but she said something about not making enough thyme for her.

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They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.

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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own faeces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

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A woman who lost four husbands through the years was married first to a banker, then an actor, then a preacher and finally an undertaker.

When asked about the unusual variance in her spousal occupations she replied "one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."

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