Friday, December 12, 2014

Funny Friday

Caution: risqué content follows.

I’m not a fan of crosswords, or Sudoku, or word search, or any of those sorts of puzzles. I would much rather read a book or watch a movie. Still, there are people who enjoy them. All of us, on the other hand, can enjoy the following humorous items about crosswords.

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.

Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"

The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"

The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

"I'm stuck with one word on this crossword, the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly"

"Oh, well that's ridiculous"

"I know, I've been stuck on it for hours"

I was doing a crossword the other day when I got stuck, so I asked my mum for help and told her the clue - 'Overworked Postman'.

"How many letters?" she asked.

"Bloody thousands," I answered.

I was doing this crossword the other day and the first word was seven letters long, began with an O, and the clue was "When something is clear to see"

Well, it was obvious

My missus was doing a crossword before and was really struggling so I had a look to see where she'd gone wrong...

1 down was a 5 letter word and the clue was "Eggs on."...

Correct answer "Goads"

Her answer: "Toast"

I was doing a crossword and I said to my wife, "9 letters. The clue is 'To do or say again'.

She said, "Reiterate."

I said, "9 letters. The clue is 'To do or say again'.

A workmate was sitting in the MI5 canteen doing the crossword when he said to me:

'OK smartarse, tell me this. The clue is 'information to which access is restricted', ten letters, first letter C, last letter D?'

I told him that was classified.

And, incase you thought they should all be in Corn Corner, here are a couple of non-crossword items . . .

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. 

Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. 

When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. 

"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die." 

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."

An Irishman was terribly overweight so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days... then skip a day...then eat regularly again for 2 days... then skip a day...and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. 

The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."  

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs! 

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?" 

The Irishman nodded ..

"I'll tell you though, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat third day." 

"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. 

"No, from the skippin".

Corn Corner:

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