Bytes: 6/1/23

Friday, June 30, 2023

JULY

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Some facts and trivia about July . . .

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July is the seventh month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calendars and is the fourth of seven months to have a length of 31 days.

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It was named by the Roman Senate in honour of Roman general Julius Caesar in 44 B.C., he having been born on July 12. Cesar lived 100 BC – 15 March 44 BC. Beware the Ides of March, Julius.

Before being renamed in his honour

it was called Quintilis, being the fifth month of the calendar that started with March.

January and February were added to the calendar in 450 BC.

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It is on average the warmest month in most of the Northern Hemisphere, where it is the second month of summer, and the coldest month in much of the Southern Hemisphere, where it is the second month of winter.

The second half of the year commences in July.

In the Southern Hemisphere, July is the seasonal equivalent of January in the Northern hemisphere.

It’s bloody cold here at the moment.

The most severe cold season on record happened in July 1983 near the South Pole. The temperature at Vostok Station in Antarctica saw an extreme temperature of -129°F/-89.6°C.

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July's birthstone, the ruby, is often associated with contentment, love, passion, and integrity.

The flower symbol for July is the larksp[ur or water liliy:

Larkspur is a delphinium, a genus of about 300 species of annual and perennial flowering plants, native throughout the Northern Hemisphere and also on the high mountains of tropical Africa. All members of the genus Delphinium are toxic to humans and livestock.

Water lilies live in temperate and tropical climates around the world. The family contains nine genera with about 70 known species. Water lilies are rooted in soil in bodies of water, with leaves and flowers floating on or emergent from the surface.

The zodiac signs for July are Cancer and Leo.

By the way:

The Latin word ‘cancer’ is the generic word for 'crab'. According to Greek myth, the symbol of Cancer—often a crab, though sometimes a lobster—is based on the Karkinos, a crab crushed under the foot of Heracles, and whose remains were placed in the sky by Hera, forming the Cancer constellation.

The zodiac sign Leo corresponds to the constellation Leo. It is associated with fire and also with the mythological Nemean lion. The lion is an important and prominent symbol in Greek mythology.

Egyptians worshipped the constellation, which they referred to as "Knem", because it was present during the flooding of the Nile River. This event signified plentiful harvests for the upcoming year, and the people interpreted it as a gift from the earth. Ruler of Egypt, Tutankhamun's gold throne features lion heads where the seat and front legs meet, as well as clawed feet at the end of each leg, symbolizing power and royalty.

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In the US the hot, long sultry days of July are called the "dog days of summer".

They were historically the period following the rising of the star system Sirius (known colloquially as the "Dog Star"), which astrology connected with heat, drought, sudden thunderstorms, lethargy, fever, mad dogs, and bad luck.

They are now taken to be the hottest, most uncomfortable part of summer in the Northern Hemisphere.

It is sometimes called the Hay month because the grass dries out due to a lack of rain and can be made into hay.

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Firsts in July:

The first rabies vaccine was administered by Louis Pasteur on July 6th, 1885.

Pasteur looks on as an early version of the rabies vaccine is administered in 1885. Image from "Harper’s Weekly" (December 19, 1885).

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The first atomic bomb test was detonated in New Mexico on July 16th, 1945. The code name was “Trinity”. The test site was declared a National Historic Landmark district in 1965, and listed on the National Register of Historic Places the following year.

Trinity Site obelisk.

The black plaque on top reads:

Trinity Site Where The World's First Nuclear Device Was Exploded On July 16, 1945 Erected 1965 White Sands Missile Range J. Frederick Thorlin Major General U.S. Army Commanding

The gold plaque below it declares the site a National Historic Landmark, and reads:

Trinity Site has been designated a National Historical Landmark This Site Possesses National Significance In Commemorating The History of the United States of America 1975 National Park Service United States Department of the Interior

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The first modern bikini debuted in Paris on July 5th, 1946 at the famous Piscine Militor swimming pool.

Micheline Bernardini wearing the first bikini, 1946.

Caption: The new 'Bikini' swimming costume (in a newsprint-patterned fabric), which caused a sensation at a beauty contest at the Molitor swimming pool in Paris. Designer Louis Reard was unable to find a 'respectable' model for his costume and the job of displaying it went to 19-year-old Micheline Bernardini, a nude dancer from the Casino de Paris. She is holding a small box into which the entire costume can be packed. Celebrated as the first bikini, Luard's design came a few months after a similar two-piece design was produced by French designer Jacques Heim.

Reard named his creation the bikini, launched four days after the Bikini Atoll nuclear tests began, and it was this event in the Pacific Ocean that dominated press coverage in Britain immediately afterwards, rather than the risqué fashion innovation of a Frenchman. “Bikini” thus had associations with nuclear explosions as well as a tropical paradise (its transliterated name means “surface of coconuts”).

He also initiated a bold ad campaign that told the public a two-piece swimsuit was not a genuine bikini "unless it could be pulled through a wedding ring."

Even after its debut, the navel-revealing bikini was slow to catch on. It was declared sinful by the Vatican and banned by countries including Italy, Spain, and Australia. After bikinis made their first appearance at the Miss World competition in 1951, most beauty pageants decided not to allow them. The suits became popular on the Riviera, due in part to a young Brigitte Bardot donning one during the Cannes Film Festival in 1953

The bikini extends back a lot earlier than 1946.

Artwork dating back to the Diocletian period (286-305 AD) in Villa Romana del Casale, Sicily, depicts women in garments resembling bikinis in mosaics on the floor. The images of ten women, dubbed the "Bikini Girls", show the women exercising in clothing that would pass as bikinis today, depicting the bikini girls weight-lifting, discus throwing, and running.

One of the earliest known images of a bikini, from the Ancient Roman Villa Romana del Casale

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On July 16th, 1969 the crew of the Apollo 11 launched from Kennedy Space Center in Florida. Four days later, on July 20th, 1969 Neil Armstrong was the first human to set foot on the moon.

Apollo 11's crew pictured in May 1969, the month before the launch. From left are Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin. Collins piloted the command module that orbited the moon while Armstrong and Aldrin spent time on the surface.

The Apollo 11 spacecraft consisted of a command module, Columbia, and a lunar module, Eagle. This photo, taken from the Eagle lunar module, shows the Columbia command module pulling away near the lunar surface

Armstrong works outside the Eagle module shortly after becoming the first man to step foot on the lunar surface. There aren't that many photos of Armstrong on the moon, he was the one taking most of the photos.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin steps off the ladder from the lunar module and onto the moon, photograph by Neil Armstrong.

President Nixon spends time with the astronauts, who were in a quarantine trailer for their first few days back on Earth. From left are Armstrong, Collins and Aldrin. Since Apollo 11, only 10 other men have walked on the moon. The last was in 1972.

Thursday, June 29, 2023

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

LAUGH

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Hello Byters.

A mixed bag of humour toay with some horse jokes thrown in, only because I happened to think of horses as I was preparing this.

As always, enjoy.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?" One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!" So I apologised and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's the last thing I remember.

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A man goes down to a ranch to look at a horse

The rancher brings out a beautiful mare.

"Can I see her teeth?" The man asks nicely.

"Sure thing!" Says the rancher and opens her lips to show off her perfect teeth.

"Bautiful! Can I see her tail and hooves?" The man asks.

"By all means, partner!" Replied the rancher and turns her around to show her expertly manicured back left hoof and braided tail.

"Lovely!" The man exclaimed "Now, can I see her twat?"

"WHAT?!" Asked the rancher sharply.

"Her twat, sir." The man said again "Can I see her twat?"

The rancher gets furious, grabs the man by the neck, lifts the horses tail, shoves the man's face into the mare's rear and shouts "Get a good look pervert!"

"I dont know why you did that!" Huffed the man exasperated, "All I weawy wanted was to see her wun!"

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The teacher asks "Johnny “If your father gave you two dollars, and then you asked for ten more dollars, how much money would you have altogether?"

"No dollars,” says Johnny.

"I'm afraid you don't know math," says the teacher.

"I'm afraid you don't know my father," said Johnny.

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An 80 year old lady was marrying for the 4th time.

A newspaper asked if she wouldn't mind talking about her first 3 husbands and what they did for a living.

She smiled and said, "My first husband was a banker, then I married a circus ringmaster, next was a preacher and now in my 80's, a funeral director."

When asked why the 4 men had such diverse careers, she explained, "I married one for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready and 4 to go."

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A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket.

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.

The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The farmer says, "Yeah, we call them that because we see them circling around the rear ends of horses."

The policeman says, "Hmmm. Did you just call me a horse's ass?"

The farmer says, "Oh, no sir, officer. I have way too much respect for those who serve in law enforcement to ever say such a thing."

The policeman says, "Well, that's a good thing, then."

The farmer adds, "But it's hard to fool those circle flies."

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My wife said, “I’m backing the car in the garage. Would you let me know when I hit the wall?”

Me: Sure.

[BANG]

Me: It’s 4 35 pm.

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Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

(Variation:

What’s got 4 legs, a tail and a prick halfway down its back?

A police horse.)

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

They’ve buried a salesman named Phipps.

He married, on one of his trips,

A widow named Block –

Then died of the shock

When he found there were five little chips.

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One...or two...?

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I named my horse Mayo.

Sometimes, Mayo neighs

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A white horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a cocktail named after you!".

"What?", says the horse, "Steve?"

(A variation on the Grasshopper joke).

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My wife said that she would take the kids and leave me if I didn't stop betting on horse racing.

"And they are Offffff!!!!!!!!"

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In the Old West, cowboys travelling home in the dark used to tie a lantern to their horse's saddle to help them find their way.

It was an early form of saddle-light navigation.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2023

QUOTE(S) FOR THE DAY

After posting the below item from the vault, it reminded me ofsomething in the vault in a similar vein . . .

Maurice Bowra (1898 – 1971), above, provided a realistic response to Stephen Grellet's famous quotation:

'I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again."

Bowra’s paraphrase:

“I expect to pass through this world but once and therefore if there is anybody that I want to kick in the crutch I had better kick them in the crutch now, for I do not expect to pass this way again.”

FROM THE VAULT

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As regular readers will know, I am a bit of a sucker for glurge, those message stories that often have a philosophical message at the end. Nonetheless even I draw the line at some, being just too syrupy. Once such example came my way again recently and I could feel my veins and arteries crystallising into sugar just from reading the title.

I will post it for you to consider, then a parody of it which makes a lot more sense and has a much more practical message.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord:

"You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied;

“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

― Mary Stevenson

This is the parody:

Butt Prints in the Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there was seen,

The footprints of my precious Lord,

But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,

And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"

Those prints are large and round and neat,

"But Lord they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,

"For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,

The walk of faith, you would not know.

So I got tired, I got fed up,

and there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,

when one must fight, and one must climb.

When one must rise and take a stand,

or leave their butt prints in the sand."

Author Unknown

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Some new items:

Tuesday, June 27, 2023

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

FEELING OLD?

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Whilst wondering what to post today, I received an email from friend and colleague Tony Z on feeling old. I don’t think this was particularly directed at me, since we are the same age. Thanks for sending, Tony.

It has numerous US references which I have left in.

Tony’s email . . .

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Feeling Old In 2023? This might be the reason why...

- The Beatles split 49years ago.

- The movie, ‘Wizard of Oz’ is 84 years old.

- Elvis died 46 years ago. He’d be 88 today.

- Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video is 41 years old.

- Mickey Mantle retired 54 years ago.

- The movie, ‘Saturday Night Fever’ is 48 years old.

- The Ed Sullivan show ended 52 years ago.

- The Corvette turned 70 years old this year.