Thursday, October 18, 2018

Funny Friday


The Finest of Funny Friday . . . 

In honour of Harry . . .

On one occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor.  Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusual style of headwear, a fur cap. Isn’t that quite hot and uncomfortable?” The Prince replied “Well, yes, it is actually, but it was Mummy’s idea.” “I’m sorry, Her Majesty told you to wear it?" said the Mayor. “Oh, yes,” replied Charles. “I spoke to her by telephone this morning. She asked me what I was doing today and I told her I was attending a reception at Wagga Wagga. She said ‘Wear the fox hat.’ “ 

A young Chinese couple get married. 
She's a virgin & they are both waiters. 
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. 
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness. 
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask.” 
“Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. 
A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request. 
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls ... Nummaa 69". 
More thoughtful silence, but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... 
"You want ... Garric chicken with corrifrowa?" 

A man attends at his doctor’s surgery after test results come back. The doctor says “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What is the bad news, doctor?” asks the man. The doctor says “The tests show that you have terminal cancer and only a short time to live.” “Oh my God,” says the man, “What is the good news?” “Well, says the doctor, “did you see the cute little receptionist when you came in? I’m taking her out tonight.” 

A man takes his young son to the London Zoo. The young lad is especially keen to see the monkeys but when they arrive at the monkey enclosure, there is not a single monkey to be seen. He says to the nearby keeper in a broad Northern accent, “ ‘Ere, where’s all the moonkeys then?” The keeper replies “They’re all in the ‘uts. It’s the matin’ season.” The man says “Do you think they’d coom out if I threw a peanut?” Replies the keeper “Would you?” 


Corn Corner: 

Malcolm Turnbull sends Tony Abbott a coded message to let him know he is still around: "370H SSV 0773H." Abbot is baffled. Peter Dutton can’t help, nor can ASIO. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies: "Tell the Mr Abbot he's holding the message upside down." 

Chinese Takeaway £24 
Petrol to pick it up £2 
Getting home and realising one of the useless twats have forgotten one of your containers 

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue. 

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. 
The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. 
Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?" 
"Sticks!" Paddy replied. 

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