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Some jokes . . .
______________
A man sits in a bar with a very nice watch.
Suddenly a woman comes to him and says: "You really
have a nice watch!"
"Yes, it is." He says. "I can watch TV on it,
surf the internet, there's a dedicated dictionary on it, I can phone with it
and I can see that you are not wearing any underwear."
The woman looks at him puzzled and says: "But I do have
underwear on."
The man replies: "Oh damn, my watch is one hour ahead
again!"
______________
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of thesauruses
crashed yesterday
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback,
stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up,
surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed,
confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and
perplexed.
______________
A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying,
“Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession.
You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash
flow is established.”
The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he
says, I think he means business.”
______________
A woman in labour suddenly shouted out “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t!
Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry”, the doctor said, “Those are just the
contractions”
______________
My 7 year old son said he wanted a treehouse in our back
garden.
25 years growing that tree and now he says he doesn't want
it anymore... Ungrateful bastard.
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Limerick of the Week . . .
There was a young monk of Dundee
Who complained that it hurt him to pee,
He said,
"Pax vobiscum,
Now why won't
the piss come?
I'm afraid I've the c-l-a-p."
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From the Vault . . .
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they
approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the
town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch...
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you
please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr
Kiiing."
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Corn Corner:
I'll never use that dictionary again...
The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was
confusing and misleading.
Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween
I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their
doors
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains
what each symbol means.
yeezy
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