------😊😊😊----
Oops, wrong holly . . .
. . . still the wrong one . . .
. . . that's the one!
Everyone is aware that . . .
No doubt things are becoming more hectic and stressful so take a moment to have a coffee and read the items in Funny Friday, guaranteed to raise a smile or your money back.
A Christmas theme to some of the items but be warned, there is also risque content ahead.
------😊😊😊----
SOME HUMOUR . .
.
When I was six,
Santa gave me coal for Christmas, so the next year I decided to get back at him
and poison his cookies.
Somehow, the
bastard found out and killed my Dad.
--------oOo-------
Just finished
buying the family Christmas tree and as the clerk was tying it down he asked
me, "So you plan on putting this up yourself then?"
"No you
sicko - I was thinking in front of the window in the den."
--------oOo-------
A Russian, a
Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam
and Eve in the gardens of Eden.
The Englishman
takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be
British!"
The Frenchmen
responds "No, no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!"
The Russian
says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they
are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"
--------oOo-------
Paddy and Mick
worked together in St. John's and both were laid off, so they went to the
unemployment office. When asked his
occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies
cotton panties and thongs." The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his
computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him $80 a week
unemployment pay.
Mick was next
and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter." Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the
clerk gave Mick $160 a week.
When Paddy
found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his
friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk
explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitters are skilled
labour."
"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I
sew the elastic on the panties and the thongs. Mick puts them over his head and
says: "Yep, diesel fitter!"
--------oOo-------
A blind man
went to a restaurant. "Menu,
sir?" asked the owner.
"I'm
blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks. I will smell it and order."
The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep
breath.
"Yes, I
will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables"
"Unbelievable!"
thought the owner. The blind man ate and left.
Two weeks
later, the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his sense of
smell was, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking. He
said, "Do me a favour and rub this fork over your privates”, which she does. He then goes to the blind man
and gives him the fork.
The blind man
takes it, puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting, I never knew
Brenda worked here."
------😊😊😊----
FROM THE VAULT
. . .
A guy walks into a bar and sees a man sitting at the end
with the smallest head he's ever seen. In fact, it is only about two inches
high. So, he sits down next to him and asks, "How is that you have such a
small head?" The man replies, "Well you see, I was stranded on a
deserted island and was combing the beach, when I came across an ornate bottle.
When I opened it to see what was inside, a beautiful genie appeared and told me
that I would be granted three wishes. My first wish was for a luxurious boat to
take me home." The man continues, "A large yacht appeared just off
shore. Then for my second wish, I asked to be wealthy, so I would want for
nothing when I got home." The man goes on, "After a large pile of
gold coins appeared on the deck of the yacht, I asked to make passionate love
to the genie for my third wish. The genie told me that she could not do that,
so I asked, 'How about a little head?'"
------😊😊😊----
LIMERICK OF THE
WEEK . . .
There was a
young girl of La Plata
Who was widely
renowned as a farter.
Her deafening
reports
At the
Argentine sports
Made her much
in demand as a starter.
------😊😊😊----
CORN CORNER:
My Christmas
advice:
Forget the
past, you can't change it.
Forget the
present, because I didn't get you one.
--------oOo-------
So last year I
started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings
Christmas songs before December....
I call it my
Jingle Bell Rock.
--------oOo-------
Why was the
smoker disappointed on Christmas?
Because he got
clothes but no cigar.
--------oOo-------
Tampax have
announced they will be removing the string from the tampon and replacing it
with tinsel!
This will be
for the Christmas period only.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.