Friday, March 3, 2023



Some mixed humour for the approach to the weekend, enjoy readers.

Sorry I won't be there this weekend, Noel, catch up later.  



Last week I posted some jokes about stuttering. It prompted Byter Tim B to send me the following email:

M-M-Morning Otto,

The teacher told the class than the only “animal” that stuttered was humans, to which Little Johnny said that was not true, cats stuttered.

She asked how he knew that and he replied “I saw a Rottweiler jump a fence and a cat said

Phf phf and before it could get out ‘Fuck’ the Rotweiler ate him.”

Take care Otto,

Tim B

Thanks, Tim.

It reminds me of something similar I heard years ago:

The reason that it is called a shark is that when you are swimming and you see one, you don’t know whether to yell out “SHIT” or “FUCK”, so you end up with “SHUUUKKK!!!”

Speaking of which . . .

A shark was teaching his kid how to eat a human, so the shark said when you see a human, make sure to swim around him one or two times and then you can attack him.

The kid asked: “Why should I not just attack straight away?”

The shark dad said: “They taste better if you scare the absolute crap out of them first.”

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.


A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes.

Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.

Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright.

She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm!

I asked if she was taking anything for it?

"Pepper" she replied.

Bonus vault item . . .

A 10-years old girl asks her mum: "Mummy, how was I born?"

The mother smiles and replies: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I had a wonderful time so we decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, the seed turned into a beautiful and healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and then we got so high that we fucked without a condom."



A girl who came from Portsea
Gave my friend Jimmy VD.
Evil ways are a curse.
Still, it could have been worse,
If I'd called “heads” it would have been me !





What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years?




Last night I had a dream that I was weightless..

I was like 0mg!

Why were people flocking to the gender neutral mine?

Because there's gold in them/their hills.

A man walks into a bar with a chunk of tarmac under his arm.

He says to the barman "One for me and one for the road."

It’s really hard for me to tell people what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

What's a cow's favourite Beatles song?

Hay Chewed


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