Friday, May 18, 2012

Funny Friday


The following report is from the yesterday’s Sydney Morning Herald.  It should be an “In case you missed it. . .” Bytes item but it also qualifies for a Funny Friday post.  Sometimes truth is not only stranger than fiction, it is also funnier. . .
School 'failed to get me into law'

Benjamin Preiss

May 17, 2012

The student and her mother. Photo: Joe Armao

A former student who is suing Geelong Grammar School says she decided to seek damages after she failed to qualify for her preferred university course.

Rose Ashton-Weir, 18, alleges Geelong Grammar gave her inadequate academic support, particularly in maths.

Seeking compensation in the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal, she said her final secondary school score was too low to study law at the University of Sydney.

Of her time at Geelong Grammar, she said: ''I didn't ever feel I was getting the support I needed to really excel.''

Ms Ashton-Weir boarded at the school in 2008 and 2009 but finished her secondary studies at a TAFE college in Sydney. She is in the first year of a double degree in arts and sciences at the University of Sydney.

Her mother, Elizabeth Weir, is also suing the school for lost income and other expenses.

She said she gave up her chocolate fortune cookie business - which she had expected to make $450,000 over three years - because her daughter moved from Geelong to live with her in New South Wales.

She is also seeking compensation for $39,000 in rent paid when they moved to another house in Sydney.

Earlier this week, Ms Weir said the school had known her daughter was gifted and had scored highly in an intelligence test, but struggled in maths.

Yesterday, Ms Ashton-Weir told the tribunal a teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall.

Darren Ferrari, representing Geelong Grammar, said Ms Ashton-Weir could have studied law at several other universities. ''You could have done law at Deakin University by correspondence,'' he said.

He said Ms Ashton-Weir had been placed on ''internal suspension'' a number of times while at the school. She was also poorly organised and had been absent from class many times.

Ms Ashton-Weir fell ill with glandular fever in early 2009 and went to stay with her mother at the end of term two. She did not return to Geelong Grammar.

Mr Ferrari said the school had tried to support Ms Ashton-Weir. ''The school wanted her to get through the year.''

He said Ms Ashton-Weir's school reports noted she was intelligent but failed to complete school work.

The hearing will resume in August.

And, to continue the Scottish connection following yesterday's post about kilts, some Scottish humour . . .

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an attractive blonde were sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the English countryside. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel.  As it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, the blonde and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fellow must have kissed the young lady and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

The blonde was thinking: 'The English chap must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'

And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English fella again.”

The lyrics of the final two verses of a song called The Sleeping Scotsman:

Our Scottish friend, still dressed in kilt,
Continued up the street
He hadn't gone ten yards or more,
When a lass he chanced to meet.
She said: "I've heard what's underneath there,
Tell me, is it so?"
He said: "Just slip your hand up, lass,
If y'really want to know!"

So she slipped her hand right up his kilt,
And much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled,
And a very strange look came into his eyes,
She said: "Why, sir, that's gruesome!"
And then she heard him roar:
"If you stick yer hand up once again,
You'll find it grew some more!"

Corn corner:

After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his friend he'll be wearing a kilt. 

“And what's the tartan?' asks his mate.

“She'll be wearing a white dress” says the boy.

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