Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Two iterms


Words that have different meanings to men and women:

Communication -- n. 
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. 
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 

Vulnerable -- adj. 
Female: Fully opening one's self emotionally to another person. 
Male: Playing football without adequate protection. 

Commitment -- n. 
Female: A desire to marry and raise a family. 
Male: Not hitting on other women while out with this one. 

Entertainment -- n. 
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. 
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 

Thingy -- n. 
Female: Any part under a car's hood. 
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 

Remote control -- n. 
Female: A device for changing one TV channel to another. 
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every five minutes. 

Flatulence -- n. 
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. 
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. 

From John P: 

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve got a confession to make. 
I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. 
At least I’m telling you in this text and I can’t live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. 
The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. 
I haven’t been getting it at home recently and I know that that’s no excuse. 
The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. 
Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you. 

Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard, killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. 
Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard. 

Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. 
I expect you figured it out and noticed that the Auto-Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh? 
It’ll be the death of us all. 

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