Friday, December 3, 2021



So we’re now in December and Christmas approaches, along with the end of year holidays, Here is some humour to set you on that path but, as always, a caution that there is risquΓ© content ahead.

Stay safe, readers.




From a US website . . .

Apparently a man in Australia, who was so drunk that he was kicked out of the bar, decided to go to a local zoo where he climbed into the enclosure of a 5m saltwater crocodile and tried to ride it.

It almost defies belief.

I mean, how fucking drunk would you have to be to get kicked out of a bar in Australia?


I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ‘’I could marry you!’’

I couldn’t believe it.

You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.


Text message . . . 

Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than. you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Please come up with a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.

Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbour dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbour.

Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text. I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed that my autocorrect changed ‘Wi-Fi’ To ‘Wife’. Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Alan.



By way of explanation and comment, New Zealanders have a habit of adding “eh” to the end of their sentences. They also pronounce the “e” sound as “i”, so that “pen” becomes “pin” . . .

2 Kiwis in conversation:

“What’s a Hindu, bro?”

“It lays eggs, eh.”


Some more in the same vein . . .


How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico?

With the help of a hose eh.


Canada was originally supposed to be called Canad.

But whenever anyone spelled it, it came out as: C A N A D Eh.



There once was a girl from Hoboken
Who swore her cherry was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike
But it was really broken from pokin'.



Some Herman Humour by Jim Unger . . . 




Go to the dog shelter for a dog and you are a saint....

Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!!


A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.

The bartender replies "You have to buy a drink first"

So the man buys a Coke.

"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"

The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"


Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.

He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.


I swallowed a dictionary.

It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had..


I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy.”

Then I just sit at the green lights until I feel better about myself


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