Thursday, February 23, 2012

Funny Friday

Some religious humour this time . . .

(Caution: risqué elements included)

The Pope was finishing his sermon and ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti homini" - Blessed be mankind.  

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that he had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind. 

The next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind. 

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said they had noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind and asked if he could also bless those who are gay.   The Pope said, "OK." 

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti."

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. 

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and nodding and addressing each of them individually said, "Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father."   She then passed on by.  They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? 

So next day they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.  

One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."   "Yes, Father?" she said.   "We are Priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are Priests, dressed as we are?" 

“Father, it's me, Sister Katherine," she replied.

A man received a notice from the tax office that he was being audited.  

He asked his accountant what he should wear to the meeting with the tax office representative.  The accountant said, "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you're poor."

The man asked his lawyer the same question.  The lawyer said “No. No.  Show them you're a successful professional. Wear your best suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his rabbi and asked for advice.

"Let me tell you a story," the rabbi said. 

"Last week I was to marry a young woman.  She came to me and asked what she should wear to bed on her wedding night.  Her mother had told her  'Wear a long flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.  Make him realise how virtuous you are.' But her best friend said, 'Wear a sexy negligee.'  My son, I am going to give you the same advice that I gave to her:  ‘It doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re going to get fucked.’ “

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