Monday, October 21, 2024
BUREAUCRACY
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I mentioned to a friend today a Bytes post about the creation of bureaucratic rules and procedures. Although he is a subscriber, he had not read this previously, although I have posted it a number of times. I told him I would repost it today.
It strikes me as a very apt, accurate and witty commentary.
My friend, upon being told the content of what apppears below, commented ‘Like the public service.’ He of course is a public servant.
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How To Create Bureaucracy, Policy, And Procedures
1. Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
2. As soon as the ape touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.
3. Turn off the cold water. If, later, another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.
4. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
5. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
6. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
7. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced.
Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?
"BECAUSE that's the way it's always been done around here."
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If the above item seems a bit extreme, note the following comments by someone responding online to the above:
Heard a story about a woman who always cut the end off the leg of lamb before putting it in to roast, it was because her mother did. When the mother was asked, it was for the same reason. When the grandmother was asked, her answer was "because my pan is too small". The younger generations had the right size pans but continued to trim!
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Sunday, October 20, 2024
A PROFOUND TRUTH
I don't know who wrote this or even whether it's true, but the message is and the story is worth posting . . .
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There was a Jewish man, the owner of one of Germany's most renowned bakeries. He would often recount a poignant story from his youth. "Do you know the reason I'm still breathing today?" he'd begin.
In my teenage years, during the dark era when the Nazis were ruthlessly exterminating Jews, they transported us to Auschwitz by train. Within the confines of that train car, the cold was so biting it felt as if it could cut through bone. Days felt like weeks as we remained trapped without food or even the basic comfort of a bed. The world outside was blanketed in snow, and every gust of wind felt like shards of ice on our cheeks. Hundreds of us huddled together during those harrowing nights—without food, water, or any semblance of shelter. It felt as though the very blood in our veins was turning to ice.
Amidst the crowd, an elderly Jewish man from my hometown was at my side. His condition was deteriorating; he shivered uncontrollably, looking every bit as frail as he felt. Compelled by compassion, I wrapped my arms around him, offering him my body's warmth. I clung to him, rubbing his hands, legs, face, and neck, imploring him with my actions and words to hold onto life. I spent the entire night trying to preserve the warmth in both of us.
When dawn finally broke and the first rays of sun pierced the horizon, I surveyed the scene around us. A gut-wrenching sight met my eyes: bodies frozen in the cold embrace of death. An oppressive silence, the kind that only death can bring, hung in the air. The merciless chill of the night had claimed everyone—save for two. The elderly man and myself were the sole survivors. He lived because I refused to let the cold claim him; I lived because in warming him, I had warmed myself.
Allow me to share a profound truth: The secret to enduring in this world lies in warmth. Not just physical, but emotional and spiritual. When you nurture the spirit of another, your own spirit flourishes. When you lift others, you too are lifted…
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Saturday, October 19, 2024
HISTORY'S MYSTERIES
“History’s Mysteries”: Remarkable Photos And Facts About The Past
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There is a Facebook site called History’s Mysteries which, according to the intro on the site, is focused on sharing fascinating, obscure, and mysterious aspects of our human existence. You can visit the site by clicking on:
Bored Panda recently featured a selection from that site, shown below with headings and BP brief comments for some of the images. That site can be accessed by clicking on:
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This Stunning Masterpiece, Though It Appears To Be Crafted From Crocheted Cotton, Is Actually Sculpted From Marble By The Greek Artist Argiris Rallias
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A Vast Sinkhole Over 290 Meters Deep In Xuanen County, Hubei, China, Housing A Unique Ecosystem Of Ancient Trees, Plants, And Animals
The humid climate and sunlight that reach the bottom create an extraordinary environment that rmains largely inaccessible to humans.
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One Of The Largest Roman Mosaic Floors Ever Discovered Was Unearthed During The Construction Of A Hotel In Antakya, Turkey
This massive mosaic, dating back to the Roman period, features intricate designs and colorful patterns.
What’s most striking about the find is the unusual rippled effect across its surface, caused by centuries of earth shifting and earthquakes in the region. The result is an impressive, almost wave-like appearance, as if the mosaic were a giant, rippling blanket. Despite this natural warping, the mosaic has remained remarkably intact, providing a glimpse into ancient Roman artistry and the impact of geological forces over time.
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The Original Star Wars Trilogy Masterfully Used Matte Paintings To Seamlessly Create Vast, Detailed Worlds, Immersing Audiences In Realistic Environments Long Before Digital Effects
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In Turkmenistan, At The Gonur Depe Archaeological Site, A Tomb Dating From 2,400 To 1,600 Bc Revealed Two Intriguing Artifacts
An extremely small golden ram and stone lion. These artifacts, indicative of the precision and craftsmanship of the Oxus civilization, offer a glimpse into the culture and artistic skill of this ancient society.
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Tucked Away In The Historic Cimetière De Laeken In Brussels Lies A Mausoleum That Draws Attention Once A Year For A Truly Remarkable Display
Built in 1920 for Léonce Evrard and his wife, Louise Flignot, the tomb features a solemn sculpture of a mourner, arm outstretched toward a blank wall. However, it’s on the Summer Solstice, when the sun reaches its highest point in the sky, that the mausoleum’s true magic is revealed. At precisely noon on June 21, sunlight pierces through an opening in the roof, creating a heart-shaped beam of light. This ethereal glow forms for just a few moments, hovering above the mourner’s hand—almost as if the figure is reaching out for this symbolic heart of light. The phenomenon only lasts for about 15 minutes.
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The Oldest Recorded Evidence Of Honey Collecting, Found In The Cuevas De La Araña Near Bicorp, Spain, Is Estimated To Be Between 8,000 To 10,000 Years Old
This Mesolithic cave painting depicts a person climbing to reach a wild bees' nest, with bees flying around and honeycombs visible, providing early documentation of human honey harvesting activities.
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A Woman From The 1950s Stands Beside A Towering Redwood Tree
Redwood trees, among the tallest and oldest living organisms on Earth, dominate the coastal forests of Northern California. These majestic giants can reach heights of over 350 feet and live for more than 2,000 years.
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Sir David Attenborough Is Pictured With A Colossal Thigh Bone From A Titanosaur, One Of The Largest Dinosaurs Ever To Walk The Earth
The dinosaur, estimated to be 37 metres long and weighing around 70 tonnes, is believed to have lived approximately 100 million years ago, making it the largest known species to have ever existed.
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Viking Ice Skates Dating Back To The 10th Century Ad; Made Of Leather And Horse Bone
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Petrified Forest National Park, Located In Northeastern Arizona, Is A Stunning Landscape Filled With Ancient Fossilized Trees, Colorful Desert Vistas, And Unique Geological Formations
The petrified wood found here once belonged to massive conifer trees that grew in lush river ecosystems. Over time, volcanic ash buried the fallen trees, and minerals like quartz slowly replaced the organic material, turning them into stone.
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Houtouwan, Once A Thriving Fishing Village On Shengshan Island Off The Coast Of China, Is Now A Remarkable Example Of Nature Reclaiming Human Spaces
Abandoned in the 1990s due to its remote location and difficulty in accessing resources, the village’s stone houses are now completely overrun with thick green vegetation. Ivy and creeping plants have consumed the walls and roofs, creating a hauntingly beautiful landscape where the remnants of human life are barely discernible beneath layers of greenery.
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Underground Caves Lined With Millions Of Shells, And No One Knows Who Built Them
The Shell Grotto in Margate, Kent, England, stands as one of history’s most baffling mysteries. Discovered in 1835, this hidden passageway is adorned with over 4.6 million meticulously arranged shells, forming elaborate mosaics that cover every inch of its walls and ceilings. The designs are precise and intricate, depicting symbols, patterns, and figures whose meanings remain shrouded in mystery.
What makes the grotto so compelling is that no one knows who created it, when, or why. Some speculate it dates back to ancient times, possibly as far as the Roman or Phoenician period, while others believe it was constructed in the medieval era or even the 18th or 19th century by an eccentric individual. Was it a secret temple, a meeting place for a hidden society, or a mysterious art project? Theories are abundant, but definitive answers are nonexistent. The Shell Grotto is more than just a stunning piece of craftsmanship; it’s a riddle that continues to confound experts and captivate visitors from around the world.
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Dunnottar Castle, Located On A Rugged Headland On Scotland's Northeast Coast, Holds A Fascinating And Complex History
(One for you, Dave . . .)
Although the castle as it stands today primarily dates from the 15th and 16th centuries, its story stretches back much further. Archaeological evidence suggests that the site has been fortified since at least the 7th century, but specific details about these early fortifications remain unknown.
Throughout the medieval period, Dunnottar Castle was a pivotal stronghold. It played a crucial role during the Wars of Scottish Independence, notably enduring a prolonged siege by English forces in 1296. Despite the overwhelming odds, the defenders managed to hold the castle for months, a testament to its formidable defenses.
One of the most intriguing chapters in Dunnottar Castle's history involves the Scottish Crown Jewels. In 1651, amidst the chaos of the English Civil War, the jewels were hidden in a secret vault within the castle to protect them from Oliver Cromwell’s forces. They remained concealed there until 1660, when they were recovered and later displayed in Edinburgh.
Friday, October 18, 2024
PEOPLE: COLONEL SANDERS
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From:
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8 Things You May Not Know About the Real Colonel Sanders
With his trademark white suit and goatee, the Kentucky Fried Chicken founder is recognized the world over. But who was he really—and was he actually a colonel?
Before it became the world's second-largest fast-food chain, Kentucky Fried Chicken was the brainchild of a man named Harland "Colonel" Sanders, who cooked up simple country dishes at a roadside gas station. Even after his death in 1980, Sanders is still the instantly recognizable face of the company. His life story—and his road to fast-food fame—includes a lot more than just chicken.
1. Sanders opened his first restaurant inside a gas station.
When Harland Sanders first began to serve meals to truck drivers at an old family dining room table wheeled into the front of his Corbin, Kentucky, service station in 1930, fried chicken was not on the menu because it took too long to prepare.
Sanders's country ham and steak dinners proved so popular, however, that he soon opened Sanders’ Café across the street and began to serve chicken fried in an iron skillet. Food critic Duncan Hines included the restaurant in his 1935 road-food guide, and it was there in 1939 that the colonel used pressure cookers to perfect his quick-frying chicken coated in his secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices.
2. He wounded a business rival in a deadly shootout.
The hotheaded Sanders never backed down from a fight, which served him well in the rough-and-tumble “Hell’s Half-Acre” neighborhood that surrounded his Shell Oil gas station. When the future fast-food giant painted advertising signs on barns for miles around, the aggressive marketing tactic rankled Matt Stewart, who operated a nearby Standard Oil gas station.
Told that Stewart was painting over one of his signs for a second time, Sanders rushed to the scene with two Shell executives. According to Josh Ozersky’s book Colonel Sanders and the American Dream, Stewart exchanged his paintbrush for a gun and fatally shot Shell district manager Robert Gibson.
Sanders returned fire and wounded Stewart in the shoulder. Stewart was sentenced to 18 years in prison for murder, but charges against Sanders were dropped after his arrest.
3. Sanders served in the military but was an honorary colonel.
The real Colonel Sanders
Harland Sanders holding a bowl of his fried chicken batter, 1974.
Sanders, who falsified his birth date in order to enlist in the U.S. Army in 1906, served in Cuba for several months before his honorable discharge. In 1935, Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon issued a ceremonial decree that commissioned Sanders as an honorary colonel.
After a second honorary commission in 1949, Sanders embraced the title and tried to look the part by growing facial hair and donning a black frock coat and string tie. Soon after, the colonel switched to a white suit, which helped to hide flour stains, and bleached his mustache and goatee to match his white hair.
A young Harland Sanders
4. The colonel delivered babies and practised law before hitting it big in fast food.
Sanders had an extremely varied résumé before finding success in the fried-chicken business in his 60s. As a young man, he toiled as a farmhand and streetcar conductor before working for railroad companies across the South.
Aspiring to be the next Clarence Darrow, Sanders studied law by correspondence and practised in justice-of-the-peace courts in Arkansas until a courtroom brawl with a client derailed his legal career. He operated a steamboat ferry that crossed the Ohio River between Kentucky and Indiana, and he sold life insurance and automobile tires.
During his time in Corbin, Sanders even delivered babies. “There was nobody else to do it,” Sanders recounted in his autobiography. “The husbands couldn’t afford a doctor when their wives were pregnant.”
5. His first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise was in Utah.
The first KFC site in Salt Lake City, Utah on August 12, 2002.
The colonel’s fried chicken first became a fast-food hit in an unlikely location—Salt Lake City, Utah. It was there in 1952 that Pete Harman, a Sanders friend who operated one of the city’s largest restaurants, became the colonel’s first franchisee. According to Ozersky, the Harman restaurant pioneered the famous bucket container and used the “Kentucky Fried Chicken” moniker. What most people associate with worldwide fast food today looked like a regional specialty on a menu in 1950s Utah.
Sanders was 65 and reliant on a $105-a-month Social Security cheque when he incorporated Kentucky Fried Chicken and began driving his 1946 Ford around the country signing up new franchisees.
6. After selling the company, the colonel sued Kentucky Fried Chicken for $122 million.
Sanders sold Kentucky Fried Chicken in 1964, and after food conglomerate, Heublein purchased the company in 1971, the cantankerous colonel began to deride the chain’s gravy as “slop” and its owners as “a bunch of boozehounds.” Although still the public face of the company, Sanders so disliked Kentucky Fried Chicken’s food that he developed plans to franchise “The Colonel’s Lady’s Dinner House” restaurant—which he opened with his wife in Shelbyville, Kentucky, in 1968—as a competitor.
When Heublein threatened to block the plan, Sanders sued for $122 million. The two sides settled out of court, with Sanders receiving $1 million and a chance to give a cooking lesson to Heublein executives in return for his promise to stop criticizing Kentucky Fried Chicken’s food. The renamed “Claudia Sanders Dinner House” was allowed to remain open and is still in operation.
Claudia Sander’s Dinner House in Shelbyville, Kentucky
Claudia and Harland Sanders
7. Sanders swore like a sailor.
The colonel may have appeared the epitome of a Southern gentleman, but his language was notoriously salty, particularly when he wasn’t pleased with the quality of food served up by franchisees. “The Colonel is famous among KFC people for the force and variety of his swearing,” reported a 1970 New Yorker profile. “I used to cuss the prettiest you ever heard,” Sanders admitted. “I did my cussin’ before women or anybody else, but somehow nobody ever took any offense.”
8. The colonel supposedly cursed a Japanese baseball team.
Legend has it that Sanders put a hex on the Hanshin Tigers after the baseball team’s joyous fans celebrated a 1985 championship by tossing his statue, taken from a local Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant, into an Osaka river. The team’s subsequent championship drought was blamed on the “Curse of the Colonel.” In 2009, the Sander's statue was retrieved from the muddy river bottom. It wasn't until 2023, that The Hanshin Tigers finally won their first Japan Series title in 38 years.
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Some ads from the past . . .
Thursday, October 17, 2024
FUNNY FRIDAY
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Another load of quick ones, including some dark ones and some that have been in Bytes before.
Some risque content too. Proceed at own risk if easily offended.
Enjoy, readers.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car?
Its butt.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
It scares the shit out of their dogs.
My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
"Usually an overdose, son", I told him.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped, though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried,
I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf
“What’s your name, son?” the principal asked his student.
The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”
“Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked.
The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
I was drinking a martini, and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet,” and we all laughed and laughed.
Well, except one person.
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face.
My parents are the worst.
Cremation.
My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”?
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."
Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
"Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
Now I live in constant fear.
My grief counsellor died, but he was so good at his job that I don’t even care.
My spouse treats me like God: generally ignoring until they want something.
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This has been in Bytes a few times but worth another posting:
The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.
The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approached from the back , she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side." The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?" The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they have gotten the cow. "You are truly wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"
The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
I love her in her evening gown,
I love her in her nightie,
But when moonlight flits
Between her tits,
Jesus Christ, almighty !
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GALLERY:
(Courtesy of Vince C, thanks Vince).
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CORN CORNER:
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When I was little, a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.
Now after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it!
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A man has just approached me, and said the words, "portent, omen, prophecy, premonition"
I think he was using sign language
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My favourite fried chicken place has closed and reopened as a burger joint.
Ah well. That was hen, this is cow.
Wednesday, October 16, 2024
FROM THE VAULT
From Bytes, December 21, 2011
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The Female Mind
Recently I posted an explanation of what women really mean in some commonly used expressions.
As a companion piece, here are some visual depictions of how women's minds work. . .
Have you ever wondered how the female brain functions? Study the item below carefully – it’s finally explained here in one simple and easy-to-understand illustration.
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about a task that needs to be carried out, a decision that needs to be made or a problem that needs concluding.
Apparently men have only two balls which it is said take up most of their thoughts.
(Note also that most of the blue balls in the above illustration end up in the central flashing sign that says “No”.)
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