Saturday, October 31, 2020


As it turned out, the missing post was not published as a delayed item, so those who wish to read it - T Read the News Today, Oh Boy - can do so by clicking on the following link:

Be warned, however, it is risque.

Thought for the Night



Halloween 2020

Today being Halloween, when witches fly, ghosts and ghouls gather and the dead walk the earth, here are some Halloween decorations featured in a recent Bored Panda post that is too good not to share. I have added the headings for each pic, plus some reader comments. The post can be accessed by clicking on the following link: 

Happy Halloween readers, stay safe. 


Baby Dolls Carrying Away Corpses 

Are they carrying off the corpses because their brethren have been caged? 

Wow now that is freaking creepy 

Let my people go! 

Dolls creep me out. This is AWESOME! What's with the one in the cage? 

Darn that's giving me nightmares! 

All you need is a clown and this would be the perfect storm. 

I would not go to that house on a bet. 

Maybe less funny this year. 


Now This Is A Halloween Display 

I want them to have a karen with a mask not covering their nose XD 

(I didn’t know this until I looked it up . . . ) 
XD is an abbreviation for laughing, as well as an emoticon. It is often seen in a text message or online when a user thinks something is really funny. If you tilt your head left 90 degrees it becomes a face where the X represents the eyes and the D is the mouth: 

Too soon? 

The Covids replace The Munsters. 

This is genius! And bravo for the commitment to detail!! 

Best Halloween ever (and I hate halloween) 

Wow! Lysol and top-brand toilet paper -- THIS MUST HAVE COST A FORTUNE! 

This is Halloween in 2020 

Very topical 

The horror of 2020. 

Kinda not funny. 

So much creativity. The level of realism is frighteningly on point and the concept is such a extreme but true statement. 

Good idea to put the shopping cart with toilet paper on the roof thingy. People would probably steal it if it was on the lawn... ;) (Where I am, people are starting to hoard toilet paper again) 


Spooky Manor 

That is spectacular, you know this is the house that hands out the good candy, haha 

Oh! This house is in my neighborhood. They have the best decorations for every holiday 

Their house was made for this! 

Spooky and amazing, I want that house 

The choir is sooo cool.. 

And for Xmas, all they have to do is put angel wings on the skeletons! 


For The First Time, I Decorated For Halloween! 

I love it! 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Nawww, it was the worst., at least in our lifetimes. 

Sad but so true! 

I could name scarier things, like war or another massive radiation pollution. But it is a nice design :) 


You’re not wrong 

Hahahha Well put! 


Some Halloween Decors At The OBGYN 

I am suddenly very secure in my decision not to have children. 

This should have come with a warning. Signed a mother of 3. 

Great learning aid for medical students trying to determine cervical dilation. 

I'm glad I had a c-section now. 

Wow. Now I'm embarrassed. Didn't realize how this looked from the other side. 

Don't be embarrassed for one of the most natural things in the world. And I doubt this is how it looks from the other side - you'd see the baby’s head. 

What is OBGYN 

Obstetrician and gynaecologist 


Wonderful Halloween Decor In SE 

Love it! 

Keep politics out of Halloween please!!! 

You should put a scaredy cat liberal hiding in the house behind the patriot. 

In my country, they told us that we wear mask not for our own safety, but for safety of everyone else around us. 


This One Is Scary 

It looks like the mind flayer from Stranger Things. 

It’s supposed to be.. look at the sign on the building 

Netflix sent this, didn't they? 


This House’s Halloween Decorations 

I love the one in the cellar. 

High-octane home which took lotsa time & brain power; thanx. 

The Walking Dead 20 years later? 


Neighbour's Subtle Halloween Dรฉcor 

Are you sure it's just decoration? It all goes together so well 

A little TOO well 

~plot twist~ They’re real bodies and he couldn't find a place to put them so he decorated for Halloween~ that just gave me the chills XD 

How many people are committing murder and getting an easy place to hide the bodies? 

That grass is scarier 

Just remember to remove them after Halloweenn. 

Put MAGA hats with signs for which rallies they attended. 

I would open those bags... you never know with a house looking like that 


Giant Crow - My First Halloween Project 2020 

He's kind of cute! 

This is really cool. Crows and ravens are underrated 

This is the kind of thing I'd keep out all year long cause when you put in that kind of work, why not. 

Quoth the raven... Forevermore shall this amazing halloween decoration stay up! 


A Subtle, But Creepy Halloween Decoration 

That is probably terrifying at night for kids... and some adults. 


I am terrified of faceless people so thanks ๐Ÿ™ƒ 

I think it's probably not legal in my neighbourhood or strongly discouraged. "Slenderman" is a little too alive around here!! 


This Year's Halloween Project. Still Working On The Webs 

Aragog, is that you? 

Of course not, that's Shelob! 

All it needs is humans trapped in the webs. LOVE the spider. 

Uber creepy. 


My Spooky Victorian Porch All Ready For Halloween 

Skeletons look realistic... too realistic... 

The clothes on the corpses is amazing? Is there a story behind them? 

I love it but those skeletons look creepily realistic... 

Very realistic bodies. Someone has done research. 


Yard Dรฉcor 

Love the sign! 

Wonder where Mark Wahlberg is? You'd have thought he would have saved his best friend ๐Ÿคฃ 

Sent From The Slytherin House 1 week ago 

The scariest part is the sign in the background. 


Relatively low budget, which I appreciate, and sick!! Which apparently I love!!! 

Really brings home the sentiment: "Holidays are for children." 

Friday, October 30, 2020

A glitch in the matrix . . .

By way of explanation for the multiple posts, my computer needed someone to reboot it yesterday because for some reason I was locked out of the internet.  The item yesterday - I Read the News Today, Oh Boy - was posted too late for publication so will probably be posted this Friday.

Rather than deprive readers of Funny Friday, especially my father in law Noel who likes his Friday Funnies, I have posted same, with the likely result of a double up.

Next Friday we should know the outcome of the US election and everything that flows from that.

So relax with a bit of humour before the serious stuff starts.

And see you soon, Noel.

Funny Friday



Risque humour ahead. 


Did you hear they’re cancelling Halloween this year? 

Because nobody would wear a mask. 


NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning. 

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games. 


Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.” 

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.” 

“My false teeth are killing me.” “Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.” “Oh please do...” “Give me a day or two.” With this they parted. 

Two days later the sufferer was handed a package with false teeth in it. He tried them and was astonished to find they were a great improvement but “a little on the tight side.” Saying “Don’t worry, I’ll try again,” two days later he offered another set, but alas the reaction was “Much better, but rather on the loose side.” “Ah, I think I’ve got it! Let me try just once more.” Sure enough, two days later he handed over a set saying “I think these will really be just right.” 

Putting them in, the sufferer was astonished to find they really were a very good fit. “Thank you so much. These are just right. You must be a wonderful dentist to be able to get false teeth to fit so well just by looking at them!” 

Laughing modestly the man replied “Oh I’m not a dentist. I’m a funeral director.” 


What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common? 

They don’t hang themselves. 


An old man is selling watermelons... 

his pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10 

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. 

"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man. 

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each. 

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing." 

The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..." 


I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website. 

Asked me "Will you accept cookies?", the piss-taking bastards. 



A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: 

Dear Sir, 

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. 

Very truly yours, 

Acme Costume Co. 

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: 

Dear Sir, 

Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. 

Very truly yours, 

Acme Costume Co. 

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: 

Dear Sir, 

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple. 

Very truly yours, 

Acme Costume Co. 



By moi.

It’s time for Halloween cheer 
When one tries to create primal fear, 
Forget witches and ghosts, 
What has scared me the most 
Has been the whole of this fucking year. 





Jokes about fat people aren't funny. 

Don't you all think those people already have enough on their plate? 


I’ve only got 1% left on my battery, but I wanted to share this hilarious joke real quick! 



I told my gf that i had a crush on Beyonce! 

And she said to me "Whatever floats your boat" 

And i said "No that's Buoyancy" 


Forgive me father, priest, padre, vicar, pastor 

For I have synonymed 



Thursday, October 29, 2020

Quote for the Day


I Read the News Today, Oh Boy . . .

Caution: risque content 


Kate and I regularly travel to Canberra to spend time with Kate’s dad, Noel. On our last visit at the end of September we joined some friends for lunch. When mein hostess, who shall remain anonymous for reasons that will become obvious, asked who wanted coffee, I raised my hand.

I was quite surprised when she passed me my coffee in the following cup: 

She explained that the cups had been a gift. 

I was reminded of that occasion by a story which appeared in yesterday, which I reprint here with pics: 

Grandma finds hilarious X-rated detail on Myer bag 

A Sydney woman was searching for handbags on Myer’s website when she came across an unexpected design that left her “shocked”. 

Shireen Khalil 

An Aussie woman was shopping on Myer’s website when she came across an unexpected find. The Sydney grandmother was searching for handbags when she discovered the store’s X-rated $19.95 Wild Fur You Australiana Tote Bag. She eagerly clicked on the native-themed print, however upon closer inspection, she realised the bag wasn’t as innocent as she first thought. The print showed native Aussie animals, from kangaroos, koalas, dingoes and emus, engaging in sexual activity. 

In one scene, two echidnas appeared to be watching their friends mate, while another showed a Tasmanian devil biting its partner’s shoulder. “I am all for a cheeky joke, but I draw the line at this,” the grandmother told 7News. “Shocking!” 

It appears the tote bag is “no longer available” on Myer’s website. They have a clutch version with the same controversial design for $10, however it too appears to be just as popular with an “out of stock” message on the product. “Rock this daring clutch illustrated by Lilly Perrott and cause a scene,” the description reads. 

While it may be a little too risque for some, others love it, inundating Myer’s reviews section of the bags with a mostly 5-star ratings. 

It also comes in a clutch, but it too is ‘out of stock’. 

“Great gift, you may even snag one for yourself,” one person wrote, adding that the bag is of “good quality”, “large and uniquely Australian”. Another said the purse has a “durable quality to the zipper”. “The print is certainly hilarious and went famously well when given to a friend who likes telling green jokes,” the person continued. “Unexpectedly raunchy but completely hilarious! Bought this to post to a friend in the US and definitely got more than I bargained for!” a third person added. 

Australian company La La Land is behind the cheeky design, with a range of other bags in the ‘Wild Fur You’ print. 

The creators behind the design are Aussie brand La La Land, which sells a range of items including bags, reusable mugs and tea towels in the “Wild Fur You” print. “A best-selling cheeky Australian themed illustration by our talented in-house artist at La La Land, Lilly Perrott,” La La Land’s website reads. “A perfect adult gift to stand against the ordinary.” 

If you’re keen to get your hands on the now sold-out tote and clutch items on the Myer website, the original makers still have plenty options available via its own site. 


By the way #1:

If you want to have a look at the website for La La land, or want to buy your Wild Fur You items for Christmas gifts, click on: 

By the way #2: 

Some time ago I posted an item about what used to be the Bunnykins logo, which you would see on the bottom of cups and plates. For those who don’t know, Bunnykins is a range of Royal Doulton children’s tableware and figurines. 

The Bunnykins logo used to be this: 

I believe that it has been modernised to: 

Those wishing to look at the Bytes post about it can do so by clicking on: 

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Quote for the Day


Bytes and Pieces: History


The Hallowed Latrine: 

The above story comes from Patton’s own memoirs, collated and published in 1947 by his widow after he died in 1945. His memoirs in turn were based on his diary entries, the following 1944 entry dealing with the hallowed latrine site: 

We then drove through Langres, where we had no time to stop, and on to Bourg, my Tank Brigade Headquarters in 1918. The first man I saw in the street was standing on the same manure pile whereon I am sure he had perched in 1918. I asked if he had been there during the last war, to which he replied, “Oh, yes, General Patton, and you were here then as a Colonel.” He then formed a triumphal procession of all the village armed with pitchforks, scythes, and rakes, and we proceeded to rediscover my old haunts, including my office, and my billet in the chateau of Madame de Vaux.

The grave of that national hero, “Abandoned Rear,” was still maintained by the natives. It originated in this manner. In 1917, the mayor, who lived in the “new house” at Bourg, bearing the date 1700, came to me, weeping copiously, to say that we had failed to tell him of the death of one of our soldiers. Being unaware of this sad fact, and not liking to admit it to a stranger, I stalled until I found out that no one was dead. However, he insisted that we visit the “grave,” so we went together and found a newly closed latrine pit with the earth properly banked and a stick at one end to which was affixed crosswise a sign saying, “Abandoned Rear.” This the French had taken for a cross. I never told them the truth. has verified the story as true: 


Why a Pentagon?

When in July 1941, a group of Army officers met at the War Department in Washington to discuss building a new headquarters, the location was eventually narrowed down to a plot of land that the government already owned in Arlington, Virginia. The site, Arlington Farms, was adjacent to Arlington Cemetery and was roughly pentagonal in shape. Although they had to design a building that would accommodate 40,000 people and 10,000 cars. In addition, they weren't allowed to build a tall building due to building ordinances and a shortage of steel, so they came up with an irregular pentagon shaped building of one storey. 

Concerned that the new building could obstruct the view of Washington, D.C., from Arlington Cemetery, President Roosevelt switched the site to the nearby obsolete Hoover Airport site. Because a major redesign would have been costly, and because Roosevelt liked the design, it remained a pentagon. It was however modified into a regular pentagon when no longer constrained by the irregular layout of the original location. 


A tale of two holdouts: 

Hirล Onoda (1922 – 2014) was an Imperial Japanese Army intelligence officer who fought in World War II . Sent to a small island in the Philippines to spy on American forces, Onoda did not surrender at the war's end in August 1945 and spent the next 29 years hiding out in the Philippines. He evaded capture and remained in the jungle to carry out his mission. His former superior officer had to come out of retirement to convince him the war was over and to formally relieve him from duty by order of Emperor Shลwa. He returned to Tokyo a hero, dying at the age of 91 in 2014. 

During the nearly 30 years Onoda spent on the island, The New York Times says, he and the three others who were with him for some or much of that time "evaded American and Filipino search parties and attacked islanders they took to be enemy guerrillas; about 30 inhabitants were killed in skirmishes with the Japanese over the years." 

Once he was persuaded to give up, Onoda was taken to Manila. "Wearing his tattered uniform, [he] presented his sword to President Marcos, who pardoned him for crimes committed while he thought he was at war," the Times says. 

Onoda leaves the jungle after 29 years. 

Hiro Onoda in March 1974 after he was convinced to give up. 

Onoda was not the last Japanese soldier to surrender. Teruo Nakamura (1919 – 1979) was a Taiwanese-Japanese soldier of the Imperial Japanese Army who fought for Japan in World War II and did not surrender until 1974. He was the last known Japanese holdout to surrender after the end of hostilities in 1945. 

Nakamura was born in the then Japanese possession of Formosa (today’s Taiwan), was conscripted into a colonial unit in 1943 and posted to Morotai Island in the Dutch East Indies (present day Indonesia) in 1944. Soon after his arrival in Morotai, American and Australian forces captured the island, the survivors fleeing into the jungle, where they suffered losses from starvation and disease. At war’s end, Nakamura was not among the Japanese survivors who surrendered to the Allies in Morotai, so he was presumed dead and officially declared so in 1945. 

However, Nakamura’s unit had been ordered to disperse into the jungle and conduct guerrilla warfare. By the time Japan surrendered, Nakamura and his remaining comrades were deep in the island’s jungle, cut off from communications with Japanese authorities, and thus had no means of receiving official notice of war’s end. As with holdouts elsewhere, they dismissed leaflets airdropped over the jungle, advising of war’s end, as enemy propaganda. Nakamura stayed with his steadily dwindling group until 1956, when he set off on his own and built himself a hut inside a small field that he hacked out of the rainforest, and in which he grew tubers and bananas to supplement his diet. He remained in the jungle, isolated and alone, until he was spotted by a pilot in 1974. That led to a search mission by the Indonesian military, which eventually tracked down and arrested Nakamura on December 28, 1974, thus bringing the longest known Japanese holdout to an end. 

Unfortunately for Nakamura, Japan did not reward Nakamura for his nearly three decades long holdout in obedience to the last orders he had received from the Japanese authorities. In contrast, Hiroo Onoda whose holdout had ended a few months earlier, was celebrated as a hero but Nakamura received little attention in Japan. Whereas Onoda was an ethnic Japanese citizen, Nakamura was a colonial soldier from what by 1974 was the independent nation of Taiwan. Although he expressed a wish to be repatriated to Japan, Nakamura had no legal right to go there, and so was sent to Taiwan instead. 

Moreover, as a member of a colonial unit rather of the Japanese Army, Nakamura was not entitled to a pension and back pay under Japanese law. Hiroo Onoda had been awarded about U$160,000 by Japan, equivalent to about U$850,000 in 2017 dollars; Nakamura was awarded only U$227 – equivalent to U$1186 in 2017 – for his three decades long holdout in service to Japan. This raised a considerable outcry in the press, motivating the government to donate over $100,000 similar to what had been given to Onoda, which in turn generated questions by earlier Taiwanese holdouts and led to considerable public discussion of the differences in treatment of Japanese and Taiwanese holdouts by the government. Nakamura spent the money on excessive amounts of food and drink, and died in 1979. 

A bewildered-looking Nakamura is garlanded with flowers on his emergence from the jungles of Morotai. 

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Quote for the Day


Some more parody poetry . . .


Theodore Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss, wrote “Green Eggs and Ham” in response to a $50 bet that he couldn’t write a book with 50 words or less. The bet was made in 1960 with Bennett Cerf, the co-founder of Random House, Dr Seuss’ publisher. Having had a success with 236 words in The Cat and the Hat, Cerf maintained that Geisel couldn’t do it again, this time with only 50 words. Geisel won the bet, creating an all-time favourite and his best-selling work that would later go on to become a popular animated Netflix series

By the way: Bennett Cerf never paid up, but Dr. Seuss made a huge win on it anyway. 


A confession . . . 

I have never liked Green Eggs and Ham, never have, don’t give a damn, you may think it pure delight, to me it is just utter shite . . .   Does anyone really think it’s fun, or am I just a voice of one? 

Let me know. 


The original Green Eggs and Ham poem appears at the end. 


Some parodies . . . 




A Modern Curse 

by Charles Clive, 2012 

I do not like your mobile phone. 
I do not like its ringing tone. 
I do not like it here nor there; 
I do not like it anywhere. 

I do not like it on a plane, 
nor when I’m on a crowded train; 
not in a bus, not in a car, 
not even in a crowded bar. 
I do not want to hear it ping 
or, even worse, Madonna sing. 

I do not like the sound of pop; 
that wretched noise has got to stop. 
So let me make this mighty clear, 
your phone, I do not want to hear. 
And, should it ever start to ring, 
I’ll come and smash the wretched thing. 


The original . . .



I am Sam 
Sam I am 
That Sam-I-am! 
Than Sam-I-am! 
I do not like 
that Sam-I-am! 

Do you like green eggs and ham? 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 
I do not like green eggs and ham. 

Would you like them here or there? 

I would not like them here or there. 
I would not like them anywhere. 
I do not like green eggs and ham. 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 

Would you like them in a house? 
Would you like them with a mouse? 

I do not like them in a house. 
I do not like them with a mouse. 
I do not like them here or there. 
I do not like them anywhere. 
I do not like green eggs and ham. 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 

Would you eat them in a box? 
Would you eat them with a fox? 

Not in a box. 
Not with a fox. 
Not in a house. 
Not with a mouse. 
I would not eat them here or there. 
I would not eat them anywhere. 
I would not eat green eggs and ham. 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 

Would you? Could you? In a car? 
Eat them! Eat them! Here they are. 

I would not, could not, in a car. 

You may like them. You will see. 
You may like them in a tree! 

I would not, could not in a tree. 
Not in a car! You let me be. 
I do not like them in a box. 
I do not like them with a fox. 
I do not like them in a house. 
I do not like them with a mouse. 
I do not like them here or there. 
I do not like them anywhere. 
I do not like green eggs and ham. 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 

A train! A train! A train! A train! 
Could you, would you, on a train? 

Not on a train! Not in a tree! 
Not in a car! Sam! Let me be! 
I would not, could not, in a box. 
I could not, would not, with a fox. 
I will not eat them with a mouse. 
I will not eat them in a house. 
I will not eat them here or there. 
I will not eat them anywhere. 
I do not like green eggs and ham. 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 

In the dark? Here in the dark! 
Would you, could you, in the dark? 

I would not, could not, in the dark. 

Would you, could you, in the rain? 

I would not, could not, in the rain. 
Not in the dark. Not on a train. 
Not in a car. Not in a tree. 
I do not like them, Sam, you see. 
Not in a house. Not in a box. 
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox. 
I will not eat them here or there. 
I do not like them anywhere! 

You do not like green eggs and ham? 

I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 
Could you, would you, with a goat? 
I would not, could not, with a goat! 
Would you, could you, on a boat? 
I could not, would not, on a boat. 
I will not, will not, with a goat. 
I will not eat them in the rain. 
I will not eat them on a train. 
Not in the dark! Not in a tree! 
Not in a car! You let me be! 
I do not like them in a box. 
I do not like them with a fox. 
I will not eat them in a house. 
I do not like them with a mouse. 
I do not like them here or there. 
I do not like them ANYWHERE! 

I do not like green eggs and ham! 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am. 

You do not like them? So you say. 
Try them! Try them! And you may. 
Try them and you may, I say. 

If you will let me be, 
I will try them. 
You will see. 

I like green eggs and ham! 
I do! I like them, Sam-I-am! 
And I would eat them in a boat. 
And I would eat them with a goat… 
And I will eat them in the rain. 
And in the dark. And on a train. 
And in a car. And in a tree. 
They are so good, so good, you see! 

So I will eat them in a box. 
And I will eat them with a fox. 
And I will eat them in a house. 
And I will eat them with a mouse. 
And I will eat them here and there. 
I will eat them ANYWHERE! 

I do so like green eggs and ham! 
Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am! 


So there you have it, as I said,
I'd rather you give me a limerick instead.


Monday, October 26, 2020

Quote for the Day


Rose Kennedy (1890-1995), the mother of President John F Kennedy, died aged 104, survived by 5 of her 9 children.

Joseph P. Kennedy and his wife Rosemary Kennedy pose with their nine children for this picture in 1938 at Bronxville. From left are, seated: Eunice, Jean, Edward (on lap of his father), Patricia, and Kathleen. Standing: Rosemary, Robert, John, Mrs Kennedy, and Joseph, Jr.