Friday, May 30, 2014

No Bytes . . .

I'll be away from my computer for a few days so no Bytes for that period. I know it's sad but Bytes will return thereafter.

Until then, enjoy Funny Friday below.

* * * * * * * * *

Funny Friday

Some miscellaneous items for this Funny Friday that had me chuckling . . .

Caution: risque and politically incorrect content, but what the hell . . .

* * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * *

For Wayne and Carol, the item I told them I would post concerning appropriate responses in certain situations:

Three debutantes are in a car driving around in the South. They pass a beautiful horse farm with beautiful green pastures, beautiful white fences with beautiful stables, and beautiful horses. The debutante in the back seat says “My daddy bought me this beautiful horse farm for graduating high school.”
The debutante in the passenger seat says “Ooooooh.”
The debutante that’s driving says “That’s nice.”
After a while they pass a beautiful golf course, hotel and casino. 
The debutante in the back seat says “My daddy bought me this beautiful golf course, hotel and casino for graduating high school.”
The debutante in the passenger seat says “Ooooooh.”
The debutante that’s driving says “That’s nice.”
The debutante in the back seat asks the debutante who’s driving “What did your daddy buy you for graduating high school?”
The debutante who’s driving says “My daddy is of limited means and all he gave me was advice.”
The debutante in the front seat ask the debutatnte who’s driving “What advice did your daddy give you for graduating high school?”
The debutante that’s driving says “My daddy always told me to say ‘That’s nice’ instead of “Go fuck yourself!’ “

* * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * *

An old man walks into a pizza parlour and tells the kid behind the counter “I’d like a prune pizza.”
The kid says “What?” 
“Prunes,” the old man says, “Do you have any prunes?”
The kid says “Yeah, we have prunes.”
“Then,” says the old man, “make me a prune pizza.”
“Do you want that to go?” asks the kid.
The old man scowls and says “Why else would I want it!” 

* * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * *

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his mobile phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on freeway. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Which leads me to an item from my father in law, Noel:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter. 

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast. 

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked. 

“Not really, Papa, it was boring. We didn’t see a single arsehole, queer, piece of shit, horse’s arse. Socialist left wing Abbot lover, blind bastard, dip shit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went! We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun.

* * * * * * * *

Corn corner:

This week's Corn corner is also courtesy of Leo:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans, 

... walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maƮtre d', after scrutinising the group.

"You can't come in here without a Thai."

* * * * * * * * *

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Hanging Naked Men

Caution: risque floral images

Friend Leo sent me an email that had me wordering whether it was real or whether it was one of those photoshopped fictional jobs that evokes a response of “Yeah, sure it is.”

So I did some looking up on the internet and was quite surprised.

First, Leo’s email:

Another example of the wonder of nature!!

They even have faces!

The flower is called Hanging Naked Men, so do not Google Hanging Naked Men or you might see really Naked Men ...........

It is called Orchis Italica, or The Naked Man Orchid. So funny. They come in all sorts of shapes and, umm… sizes.

Which brings me to research.

The admonition against googling Hanging Naked Men of course inspired me to do so. Needless to say it was a mix of flowers and what the words literally say, with the word “hanging” having a number of depictions.

There really is a Hanging Naked Man flower.

According to Wikipedia:

Orchis italica, commonly known as the naked man orchid or the Italian orchid, is a species of orchid native to the Mediterranean. They are widely popular for their petals looking like naked men. It prefers partial shade and low nutrient soil and flowers in April. O. italica grows up to 50 centimetres (20 in) in height, with bright pink, densely clustered flowers. They are found commonly and widespread in the Mediterranean in large clusters.

I wonder whether they would grow in Sydney and how you get one. I doubt that my wife would be willing to go into Flower Power and ask “Do you have any Hanging Naked Men?”

(Part 2, "Orchids that look like animals", next week).

* * * * * * * * *

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Infographs - Part 1

Some painful truths of everyday life, sent to me by Leo.

They are by Danish writer Mikael Wulff and cartoon artist Anders Morgenthaler, a creative duo known as Wumo.

* * * * * * * * *

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Vivid Sydney

From Wkipedia:

Vivid Sydney is a prominent outdoor annual cultural event featuring immersive light installations and projections, performances from local and international musicians and an ideas exchange forum featuring public talks and debates from leading creative thinkers.

The event is held annually during winter over the course of three weeks in May and June. The centrepiece of Vivid Sydney is the multimedia interactive light sculptures and building projections that transform various buildings and landmarks in and around the Sydney CBD and Sydney Harbour into an outdoor night time canvas of art.

This year Vivid Sydney is on from 23 May to 9 June.

Some pics from present and past displays . . .

* * * * * * * * *

Monday, May 26, 2014

Monday Miscellany - Some Odds, Ends and Personals


From Sue in relation to the ephemeral art of Andy Goldsworthy:

That is the joy of a list like this - something that is familiar to me is novel for you and vice versa. It takes us both in richer places

Thank you!

Oh Lydia oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia?
Lydia, the Tattooed Lady
She has eyes that folks adore so
And a torso even more so

Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopydia
Oh Lydia the Queen of Tattoo
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo
Beside it the wreck of the Hesperus, too
And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue
You can learn a lot from Lydia

- Lydia the Tattooed Lady, first performed by Groucho Marx in the 1939 Marx Brothers movie, At the Circus

(Interestingly, the the final stanza originally contained the lyrics "When she stands, the world gets lit'ler. When she sits, she sits on Hitler", but the lines were removed because the studio feared the song would sound too dated. The line that replaced it begins "Grover Whalen unveilin' the Trylon", Whalen having opened the World’s Fair in 1939, which seems far more dated today than the reference to Hitler.)

My reason in featuring Lydia and Groucho is that Number 1 son Thomas is currently having a sleeve done.

Although I have been an aficionado of skin art myself in the past, having half sleeves plus leg tattoos, including a dragon that winds around my left leg from crotch to toes, I nonetheless have sought to dissuade him for a couple of years. Nonetheless he finally he decided to get it done and it is now a work in progress. It is being done in stages by Jamie Giant, the world’s shortest tattooist, midget boxer and ggg, general good guy. He is highly regarded in the industry.

Shortly before commencing, Thomas and I had the following conversation:

Thomas: “I have worked out the design with Jamie and he will work on it freehand.”
Myself:     “What is it?”
Thomas:  “A mix of images leading into each other, about the cycle of life and death, growth. . . “
Myself:     “What’s wrong with a dragon?”
Anyway, here is the Boy Wonder’s work in progress:


Still on the topic of tattoos:

Last week there was an item on headed “Is this picture of NBA superstar Kobe Bryant the best over?”

The superb needle art is by South Korean tattoo artist Dongkyu Lee and it is hard that the image is not a photograph:

The tattoo is on the leg of another tattooist, Steve Butcher from New Zealand.

According to Lee:

“I used to be a musician but I soon realised I had no talent, so I joined the army for two years. My job was to plan war strategies. One day, a lower ranking soldier went away and came back with a tattoo. I had never really seen such a good tattoo before. It looked so cool and I became very interested in the artform.”

Tattoos are illegal in Korea so Lee moved to Canada. He has been tattooing for only 2 years.

Some others:

Lee’s personal favourite, a portrait of boxer Roy Jones Jr

Lee’s portrait of Floyd Mayweather Jr

Lee’s tattoo of Mike Tyson

On the topic of amazing tattoos, I recently came across a blog that posted comments and photographs of women who have had mastectomies. These inspiring women have chosen to meet their changed body with tattoos rather than with cosmetic surgery or plastic. The website is at:

There are also other sites that display mastetctomy tattoos, google those words and go to image search to see images.

Some examples:

(The story of this tattoo and the comments of the person who has the tattoo, Inga Duncan Thornell, can be read on her blog at:

The following pic shows tattooing used to hid the prominent scarring renmaining from surgery:

* * * * * * * * *