Thursday, May 31, 2018

Quote for the Day

Funny Friday


Friday is here, the entry to the weekend, and here are some jokes to get you in the mood. If you plan on going to church, there are some Jesus jokes included below. If you’re not planning on going, then maybe you should if you laughed. 


Three blondes died and are at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. 

St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" 

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." 

"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" 

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents and celebrate the birth of Jesus." 

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" 

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." 

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the Last Supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." 

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. 

The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. 


Jesus in a conversation: 

Jesus: What do people call the day i was crucified? 

Other person: Good Friday. We call it "Good Friday". 

Jesus: What?? Well, how do you celebrate my resurrection? 

Other person: We eat chocolate bunnies. 

Jesus: No!! Okay, then what do you do on my birthday? 

Other person: Aren't you God? WTF are you asking me for? 

Jesus: Okay, you're gonna hate me for this, but... what does "wtf" mean? 


Jesus, in Heaven, after the crucifixion: “They were horrible, Dad, I’m not going back there.” 

God (rubbing his neck): “See, the thing is . . . “ 




And a couple that aren’t Jesus jokes . . . 


An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?" 





(Okay, I’ll explain . . . read the responses out loud. They will sound “Yes, we see ya.”)


A teacher is giving an English lesson on the word "Contagious"... 

...She asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word being used. One eager child says "Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious". 

"Very good!" replied the teacher, "has anybody else got an example?". 

"My mummy says my laugh is contagious", said another child. 

"Great answer!", said the teacher, "How about you Paddy?" (apologies for the token Irish name). 

"Well, our neighbour is painting his fence with a toothbrush", said Paddy, "Dad says it's going to take the contagious!" 


Corn Corner:

Mary: What are you looking at? 

Sally: I know your PIN . . . hee, hee. 

Mary: Alright, what is my PIN. if you saw it? 

Sally: Four asterisks! 


I bought my friend an elephant for his room. 

He said “Thank you.” 

I said “Don’t mention it.” 


Teacher: Can anyone use the word benign in a sentence? 

Billy: I am 8 at the moment, but I'll soon benign. 


Teacher: Can anyone use the word centimetre in a sentence? 

Billy: My gramdma arrived at the railway station and I was centimetre. 


I went to the doctors with hearing problems. 

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" 

I said "Homer’s a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"


Thought for the Day



The bike share businesses currently being operated in Sydney (and other Oz locations) have drawn flak for various reasons: 
· no docking facilities 
· unsightliness 
· bikes being thrown into waterways, placed up trees etc 
· lack of helmets as a result of theft. 

Spare a thought, then, for the citizens and authorities of China, who are also experiencing problems after bike sharing began in 2017. Dozens of bike-share companies flooded city streets with millions of brightly coloured rental bicycles, with the same problems as those described above but on a much larger scale. Bicycles, many damaged, were left in inappropriate locations, blocking already-crowded streets and pathways. Not only is there a problem with impounded bikes, the authorities also have had to deal with the supplies of operators who have left the scene or gone broke. 

Bike sharing remains very popular in China, and will likely continue to grow, as no doubt will the graveyards of collected and impounded bikes: 


From Tas S: 

The lady who invented fairy bread died last week. At her funeral yesterday hundreds an thousands turned up. 

On my way into the city this morning and stopped in traffic on Enmore Road near the Enmore Theatre, I looked at the signage on the shopfront next to me and saw an under awing sign that read simply “The Stinking Bishops”. There was nothing to indicate what the establishment housed or what the sign meant. 

Having now looked it up, I can comment as follows: 
  • Stinking Bishop is a washed-rind cheese produced since 1972 by Charles Martell and Son at Hunts Court Farm, Dymock, Gloucestershire, in the south west of England. It is made from the milk of Gloucester cattle. 
  • The distinctive odour of the cheese comes from the process with which the cheese is washed during its ripening; it is immersed in perry (an alcoholic beverage made from fermented pears), made from the local Stinking Bishop pear from which the cheese gets its name. 
  • The establishment in Newtown is a restaurant and cheese bar, apparently with a wall of cheese. 

Mystery solved. 


Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Thought for the Day

More looking back . . .

New Canterbury Road, date unknown 

Macquarie Place, Sydney, c1869-74. 

La Perouse, southeastern Sydney, 1935. 

The same view today 

Sydney's first "electromatic" traffic signalling apparatus was erected at the intersection of Kent and Market Streets in October 1933. 

Fire Station, Glebe, 1890’s 

New Canterbury Road, Dulwich Hill, year unknown. 

Marrickville Rd, Dulwich Hill, 1936 

Princes Highway, Rockdale, 1955.

St Stephen’s Church, Newtown, 1875 

Herbert Street, Dulwich Hill, installing tram lines 

King St, Sydney, 1890, near St James Church and King St Courts. 

Some from London . . . 

The Thames, 19th century 

London’s East End, 1930’s 

Tower Bridge, London, 1905. 

V1 rocket lands in London, toward the end of WWII 

In the shadow of St. Paul’s. The Blitz, London, 1940 

Children watching a Punch and Judy show on a London street in 1936 

. . . and some from New York . . . 

Mullen’s Alley, Cherry Hill. New York, 1888 

Broadway and the building of The Times, New York, 1915. 

FlatIron Building Under Construction, New York, N.Y., 1902 

New York circa 1905. Surf bathing at Coney Island. 

5th Avenue- New York City- 1913. 

New York, 1938