Friday, March 9, 2018

Funny Friday


So here we are again, another Friday, take a time out for a few minutes and enjoy some humour. But be warned, there is some risque content.


Last week’s theme was taxis, which inspired Tim B to submit a taxi joke based on a Boston fish dish called scrod. I analysed that joke yesterday and offered my understanding of it. 

This has inspired a couple of emails:

From Elizabeth P:
Funny Otto 
Having been to Boston recently (last year!!) I actually read the word ‘scrod’ as ‘screwed’ and looked up ‘pluperfect subjunctive’ before reading the rest of the byte! 
I realised the past tense and twist on it read that way and remembered in Boston a lot of the uber (taxi?) drivers are Harvard university students. 
AND because the biggest seafood chain (found whilst looking for a lobster roll) there is ‘Legal Sea Foods’ I thought the brother in law being a lawyer may have fit in there… it is all about context! 
Thanks, Liz

I had actually come across the Legal Sea Foods connection and had intended posting a couple of pics at the end of my scrod post but overlooked it. You have not only reminded me, you have given me the opportunity to post them:

By the way, why called Legal Sea Foods?

From Wikipedia:
In 1904, Harry Berkowitz opened the "Legal Cash Market" in the Inman Square neighborhood of Cambridge, Massachusetts and the name for the market came from the "Legal Stamps", also known as trading stamps, given to loyal customers. The store provided a good living for Harry and his family up until the late 1940s, when chain grocery stores like Stop & Shop and others entered the picture and provided stiff competition for the family business.

In 1950, George Berkowitz, the son of Harry, opened a fish market adjacent to his father's grocery store and named it Legal Sea Foods. This was done to add a degree of specialty to the grocery business by offering customers a fish counter where they could get fresh fish. From the early 1950s the market sold fresh fish as well as fish and chips that could only be taken to-go. In 1968, the Berkowitz family decided to open a restaurant in the adjacent space. They served mainly fish and chips, fried clams, fried shrimp, and fried scallops served on paper plates while the customers sat at picnic tables.

In 1975, the restaurant expanded to a more traditional restaurant at the site of the former S.S. Pierce building in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts. In 1980, the original Inman Square restaurant was destroyed in a fire. With the help of his two sons, Marc and Roger, they opened their flagship location in the Park Plaza Hotel in the Boston Theater District of downtown Boston.
I also received an email from Tim B, the original notifier of the joke, who passed over the ultimate accolade:
Hi Otto,

Usually when you have to explain a joke, it means the joke is really not that good. However, your explanation was spot on. Although I wrote the joke in a Boston accent, I’m sure a lot of Byters did not notice. I also like your version a lot better than the way I heard it and am sending it to my brother.
I was an airline pilot and spent a whole month in the Parker House on temporary duty and can attest to the fact that the Boston CrΓ¨me pie is excellent fare.  
Have a great weekend Otto,

Thank you Tim.


Speaking of brothers and taxis . . . 

A man is in Dublin on business and takes a taxi from the airport to his hotel in the city centre.
As they come out of the airport, the taxi driver shoots through a red light. 
"Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!" shouts the passenger.
"Dat’s foine, my brother does that all the time" says the cabbie.
A mile down the road and the taxi driver shoots through another red light.
"Driver, that was another red light!" screams the man.
"Ah to be sure, ‘tis nothing at all, my brother does it all the time."
They get to the next traffic light. Its green, the taxi driver stops and looks carefully left, right, left, right . . .
" Driver, its a green light! Why the hell have you stopped? Go! Go!" says the man.
"No way,” says the taxi driver, still checking to his left and right, “my brother drives around here.”


One final taxi joke:

A taxi driver answers a booking and finds that he is taking a working girl home after the end of her shift. He drives her to her home and tells her the fare, to which replies “How about cutting it out with this?” Turning around he sees that she has her legs apart and is wearing no knickers. “Gees, lady,” he responds, “haven’t you got anything smaller?”


A variation on the classic “Why do you ask Two Dogs . . . “ joke:

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived." Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"


Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"


A vampire bat came flapping in for the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me" he said and flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that giant oak over there?" he asked.

"YES, YES, YES" all the other bats SCREAMED in a frenzy.

"Good" said the first bat, "because I fuckin didn't!"




Corn Corner:

Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross. 
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

Jokes about PMS are NOT funny. Period.

“I want to win 10 million in the lottery, just like my dad did!” 
“OMG, your dad won 10 million in the lottery?!” 
“No, but he always wanted to.”

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