Saturday, April 4, 2020

Staying Home with Chris Franklin and Bob E Kelly

Australian YouTuber Chris Franklin wrote a poem of advice for the Covid-19 pandemic. If offended by the f word, don’t venture further. Franklin gave some sage, but salty, advice on how best to combat the spread of COVID-19. In the poem he finishes by saying that it could be a song and he sings the last two verses. 

The next day muso Bob E Kelly did put it music, acknowledging that the lyrics came from Franklin. Kelly, who looks like The Great Randi, is also a magician  but a musical one who hails from New Hampshire. 

Both the original poem and the musical adaptation appear below. 

The poem: 

Click on this link to hear and see Chris Franklin recite it:

Stay the Fuck at Home 

The world has caught a virus 
So I’ve written you a poem,
We’ll need your help to cure it 
So stay the fuck at home. 

Whether you’ve got twelve kids 
Or you’re living on your own, 
Lock it down and isolate 
And stay the fuck at home. 

If you think you’re not at risk here 
You’re living in a dome, 
It spreads faster than a hooker’s legs 
So stay the fuck at home. 

But I need the gym, I need the beach, 
I hear you bitch and moan. 
You need to grow a brain cell 
And stay the fuck at home. 

But I feel fine, I don’t feel sick,
I’ll go out on my own. 
How thick are you, you selfish prick, 
Just stay the fuck at home. 

From LA through to Berlin 
From Wuhan through to Rome, 
There’s people dying every day 
So stay the fuck at home. 

If you need to contact family 
Use Facebook, Skype or phone, 
We’ve got the fucking internet 
So stay the fuck at home. 

This could even be a song . . . 


The only way to slow it down 
Is isolate, not roam. 
Please help the world get back on track 
And stay the fuck at home. 

Oh, stay the fuck at home, please, 
Stay the fuck at home, 
Don’t you be a fucking dick 
And stay the fuck at home. 

The song: 

Hear and watch Bob E Kelly perform his version by clicking on the following link: 

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