Thursday, November 14, 2019

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy . . .

Number plate:

29 October 2019

A little old but too good not to post . . .
Police have trolled a man for his less-than-perfect attempt at forging a set of number plates. The cops gave him poor marks for spelling after arresting him in south west Melbourne on Friday.

"Criminal Mastermind…not quite," in Wyndham Police Service Area said in a Facebook post with pictures of the falsified plates yesterday.

"On Friday 25th October 2019, Werribee divisional van police officers located a Holden Commodore with false registration plates," the post continued.

"We gave him an 8/10 for his colouring in skills, a 2/10 for his spelling ability and an additional charge for court."

Ricky Gervais:

13 November 2019

It has been announced that Ricky Gervais will host the Golden Globes for a record fifth time in January. The annual film and television awards are seen by many as an important indicator for success at the Oscars. Gervais’ tongue and sense of humour have drawn both admiration and condemnation.

Some examples from past Golden Globes:

“Looking at all the wonderful faces here today reminds me of the great work that’s been done this year … by cosmetic surgeons.”

“For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought. Allegedly. Nothing’s been proved.”

“Actors aren’t just loved here in Hollywood, they are loved the world over. You could be in the third world and get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it could make you feel a little bit better. You could be a little Asian child with no possessions and no money. But you could see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you’d think, ‘Mummy!’”

“I hope I haven’t offended anyone. It’s not my fault. I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.”

About the movie, I Love You Phillip Morris: “Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke.”

About Bridesmaids star Melissa McCarthy: “She made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.”

About Tom Hanks and Tim Allen: “What can I say about our next two presenters? The first is an actor, producer, writer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5 billion at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances starring in such films as Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Castaway, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan. The other is Tim Allen.”

“It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking, or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.”

“There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated. Nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the Golden Globes for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster.”

“Last year, our next presenter won both the Golden Globe and the Oscar for her work in Black Swan. This year, she took some time out to have a baby. Consequently, she’s been nominated for nothing. Really pathetic. But she learned that valuable lesson you all already knew — never put family first. Please welcome the very foolish Natalie Portman.”

A cautionary cake tale:

Daily Mail
28 October 2019

How many times have you heard the adage to be careful buying on the internet.  The mother of a bride to be in Scotland found out the accuracy of that statement the hard way.  Having ordered the wedding cake online via the baker's Facebook page and paid £160 for the 3-tier creation, she was delivered instead an 'inedible' cake covered in craft glitter and held in place by kebab sticks.  Some pics:

What was ordered

What was received

. . . with craft glitter . . . 

and craft sticks holding it together.

Happy ending:
The hotel chef came to the rescue, buying a replacement from Asda and adding elaborate icing and decorations using the bride's flowers.

Not so happy is the situation Rena Davis found herself in before her wedding:

10 October 2019

Rena Davis ordered a peacock themed wedding cake where the tail was formed by decorated cupcakes:

She paid $300 and was less than ecstatic to receive this:

Rena described the peacock as looking like "a lopsided turkey with leprosy . . .

The baker refused to give a refund until the story was circulated on social media.  As for the wedding, rena celebrated the otherwise happy occasion with a supermarket cake.

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