Tuesday, January 25, 2022



A revisit to the popular site Rate My Plate where people post pics of the meals they have prepared and others comment. The site can be viewed at:

I have posted a selection of the most recent, with some of the comments from the public, but there are many that have achieved iconic status z(perhaps the subject of a future Bytes), for example:


So, bon appetit . . . 


Spag & Toast by Paul M


Suppose that’s what happens when you cook spaghetti in the same pan your making wax melts to sell on marketplace ๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿผ‍๐Ÿณ

Think I saw the same meal in beetlejuice, it came alive and grabbed their faces

You’re supposed to butter the toast, not the spaghetti

Looks like hands pulling this meal into the depths of hell where it belongs.

Some dudes in a jacuzzi admiring their spaghetti.

Looks like an oil slick on the top of the spaghetti.

Something is very off with that spaghetti.. it looks like it has been mixed with epoxy resin..

You’re supposed to butter the toast….

Still, at least you have a nice clear image of your arteries.

Looks like you’ve vommed into a baseball glove

Looks like Stonehenge in tinned spaghetti

I feel like there is something missing from this dish... ah yes, the bin!

Why you using your dustbin to serve food in? You can get plates and bowls very reasonably priced in many good high street outlets and online

Did you toast your bread with an LED light?

Looks like what my washing up water looks like after washing up greasy pans ๐Ÿคฃ


Homemade Cottage Pie by Peter O

That looks too good for this page hope you step on the cat's tail and drop it

Peter, why have you topped mince with Mr Kiplings Country Slice ? Surely if cake and mince was a good combo Mary Berry would have rinsed it years ago with a book or two

Are you a John Lennon fan?
I know he said give peas a chance, but I’d have ignored him and put more mince in

Didn’t need the peas, but otherwise it looks far too good for this group ๐Ÿ˜‚

A couple of slices of gravy and you’re good … that’s got solid foundations

That looks absolutely divine Peter,

Is the roof made of rice pudding ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

Looks nice but needs gravy and chips. ๐Ÿ™‚

Looks like the thatch is too thick on your cottage.

Even better its been correctly named. People calling cottage pie shepherd's pie is a pet peeve of mine lol. Its only shepherd if it's made with LAMB xx

Dry as a nuns…[Wine glass?]

Definitely could do with a moat of gravy running around that bad boy! Good effort though ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Is this a shepherd's pie, as it contains carrots and pies, a shepherd's pie is lamb mince, carrotts and peas, a cottage pie is beef mince and onions no other vegetables apart from the mashed potatoes on the top which is the same for both dishes x

Peter. Very innovative my friend. You've served your main and a pud in one go. Savoury mince, topped with sponge cake. Lovely.

Looks like you've taken something from your cat litter, baked on 180c for 30 mins and served!


The correct amount of butter by Josh N

Looks like you all like your butter like you like your Covid.
Not spread around.

I can feel my acid reflux coming on just by looking at this!

No! Needs to be right to the edges & fully melted. It’s either too much or poor spreading!

Nothing better than a bit of toast with your Butter!

But it's cold!!! you've spent so long fannying on with getting so much on that your toast has gone cold and the butter mountain hasn't melted. total failure. go away and have a word with yourself

You could plaster a ceiling with the contents of Josh's arteries...

If I'm not mopping my plate with the toast/crumpets, it's not enough butter.

Your cutting skills are really letting this plate down. Why would you not cut corner to corner?

It has to be real butter, spread lots and lots onto toast while really hot and all the way to the edges. Dripping is best. Mmmmm ๐Ÿคค

You would make a rubbish window cleaner.

Needs more butter.

Definitely looks like nasty margarine and not proper salted butter or Lurpak - so…

Couldn’t be arsed to wash a butter knife so just used a trowel instead?? I bet your a dab hand with a tub of polyfilla


Jellied Lamb Roast by Dani D

Cat food mate !

I'm guessing you're gastric band has been fitted

My cat would even turn her nose up at that ๐Ÿคฎ

Don't think I'll be going to your house for jelly and ice cream

Ahh, I wondered where my Petri dish had gone...

Is this for your cat? Please say this is for your cat....

I always wondered where Katie Price’s removed implants went?

Looks like cat food jelly with contents of an ashtray in it.

This is brilliant ๐Ÿ˜‚ lamb pannacotta, get at least £80 for this in London

Wow, that looks like it was dropped on my Nan’s floor back in 1969.

Looks like something was causing a blockage in your drain, lucky you pulled it out with a plunger ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ‘

Ahh, the old 'throw a bucket of gelatine in the toilet trick'. Classic.

Thank you Dani you’ve restored my faith in Rate My Plate, too many good meals been on here lately, I bet you are a mortician and made this dish with the leftovers ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿคฃ

There once was a woman called dani d
She thought hmm what can I eat for tea
Whilst feeding her cat
She thought yes I'll try that
And sat down to eat cat food with glee!


Mince & Spuds by Ste V

I've just used 2 lbs of mince to make Feetloaf for the mother in law:

This is another that’s too good for this page! Just one thing, buy some slightly bigger plates man!

What kind of animal doesn't have the mince in their puddings!

Would look better with gravy ๐Ÿ˜ X

Yummy love mince and tatties. Reminds me of my childhood.

Best looking dish on this page thus far. I’d eat that in a flash. Well done ๐Ÿ‘

An avalanche of revolting - except for the broccoli which looks good

Missed a trick there……. Should have filled the Yorkies with mince, topped with spud and had individual Yorkie Cottage Pies!

I see what you did Ste, take photo under a million watt flood light and edit photo color setting to max

Looks like a Sesame Street character

That reminds me the garden needs some tree surgery

Looks like Johnny 5 out of short circuit

Mince, spuds and hedge trimmings.

Is that Dolly Parton's bra up the back there?

This looks like a picture the Hubble telescope has sent back. If I was NASA I’d be very concerned.


Homemade Pasta with Gravy by Jazmin P

Everytime Jazmin makes this, somewhere an Italian grandma dies.

An abomination

I’ve never seen a plate of food that incorporates none of the food groups. There is more nutrition in sawdust

Pasta swirls in Creosote. Lovely, absolute winner.

Looks like you’ve been soaking the rust off a bag of screws lolx

I wonder if you swallow pasta whole, don't chew it and wait for 8 hours, this is the result?

Looks like your pasta needs an oil change.

Just like mama used to make… once the dementia set in

Fantastic dish, just a few tiny little things I’d add to make it a touch better...
a few onions, some chopped garlic, chopped tomatoes, tomato purรฉe, a little salt, some mince, mixed Italian herbs, Parmesan cheese....and just take away the gravy , with a side of garlic bread...and that would be spot on

Never homemade, surely you're in a Michelin starred Italian restaurant?

This looks absolutely amazing...said no one ever

Very occasionally my dog has diarrhoea with worms too…I’d never put it in a bowl though.

Wow homemade!? You usually only find this kind of thing in high end establishments


Cheesy Garlic Fries, Smoked Pancetta, Bread and Butter by Ste V

What did you spread the butter with a flip flop ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Bet that tastes amazing i could eat that i don't care what it looks like!

This is what I like to call the 2 days before payday special, throw bits and pieces together and hope for the best ๐Ÿคฃ

Butter and bread*

As much as it looks like the left overs from last Thursdays Pizza Hut buffet on bread, I still fancy it. You’re getting good at this Ste

Does this come with a defib for when your arteries clog with all that butter on yer bread ๐Ÿž

That’s where all the panic buying butter went.

Was the bread buttered by an out of work brickie


Breakfast by Daithi P

Jonas from Dagenham had a family tradition of combining food with everyday household items, Today it’s the the turn of scrambled eggs, peanut butter and a bath matt

Mmm, scrambled egg and chunky peanut butter scrapings served on a bed of recycled plastic microbeads.

You do know eating plastic doesn’t count as recycling right?

I like peanut butter atop my sea anemone too, don't let these heathens say otherwise Daithi.

I’d rather eat the lithograph on that god awful plate!

This takes me back to the toilet roll shortage of 2020...

Which is the healthy lung and which is the diseased lung, and how on earth did you take the picture after coughing them both up?

I have no idea what any of that is

Looks like what I got when I lived in Thailand and asked for a ‘full English breakfast’

Daithi you need to come and tell us exactly what that salt and Styrofoam clump is and why have you put peanut butter on it

Good to see you’re practising splendid hygiene standards - eat with the left, wipe with the right..

Gotta love peanut butter on a sea sponge


Classic Corned Beef with Mash & Beens by Barry R

I can only assume Barry's in his eighties, and learned to cook from his mum during the blitz....

Barry, it’s lovely to see you letting the kids make tea with you. I can taste how cold that entire meal is

"Corned beef" is definitely something else in the US. It's a brisket that's boiled with spices and stuff. We eat it with spicy mustard. It does NOT look like cheap cat food!

Barry, one of your beeens is making a break for it... im not sure it agrees that your food is a classic love....

The word classic is doing some very heavy lifting in that sentence.

This is why the rest of the world hates us.

Tonight’s special is Salt-cured brisket medallions served on a bed of pomme purรฉe, with a side of oven-baked white beans in a tomato jus. Michelin star quality food, Barry you are so talented.

Great presentation Barry, like how you've tried to A la carte a tin of dog food over yesterday's leftover spuds and beans scrapped out the bottom of the food caddy!! You my son, are going places!! (probably the loo after eating that)

Can't beat a bit of "war food" as my mate calls it..๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

Who sliced the corned beef lad, Stevie Wonder๐Ÿคท‍♂️๐Ÿคท‍♂️๐Ÿคท‍♂️

Gordon Ramsay must be shitting himself

Barry refreshing to see someone express themselves the way you do! Imagination, creativity your personality on a plate! Very well done! X

You know what REALLY upsets me about this?! That stray frigging bean in the middle of the mash!! Dafuq you doing man??

And on tomorrow's episode of "Cooking with Wartime Rations" it's powdered egg and tripe!

I’d rather eat a Big Issue seller’s earwax

Throw that in the bin, season the plate and I’ll eat that instead.

I'm assuming you're single Barry

How long is your sentence?


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