POETRY SPOT

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One of Banjo Paterson's lesser known poems, not of the style and rollicking adventure of The Man from Snowy River, nor with the pithy observations of Clancy of the Overflow, nor the humour of A Bush Christening, but one which provides a salutary lesson and observation on lawyers and litigation . . .

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By the way:

The expression "bush lawyer", lesser used these days as the use of traditional Oz slang and sayings falls into decline, means a person claiming to have considerable legal knowledge when unqualified to do so.

New Zealand has a vine that is like our blackberry, a thorny climber studded with sharp backwards-curved hooks, that s named Bush Lawyer. Unlike blackberry however, Bush Lawyer can be found in the middle of the forest, snaring unsuspecting hikers in dense spiky tangles. Once it grabs hold of you, it’s unlikely to let go – presumably the rationale behind its name. I do recall from my bushwalking days that we have our own hardy vine with spikes that does the same thing, that vine being called a Lawyer Vine.

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A Bush Lawyer

by Andrew Barton Paterson

When Ironbark the turtle came to Anthony's lagoon

The hills were hid behind a mist of equinoctal rain,

The ripple of the rivulets was like a cheerful tune

And wild companions waltzed among the grass as tall as grain.

But Ironbark the turtle cared no whit for all of these;

The ripple of the rivulets, the rustle of the trees

Were only apple sauce to him, or just a piece of cheese.

Now, Dan-di-dan the water rat was exquisitely dressed,

For not a seal in Bass's Straits had half as fine a coat,

And every day he combed and brushed his golden-yellow vest,

A contrast with the white cravat he wore beneath his throat.

And Dan-di-dan the water rat could move with ease and grace,

So Ironbark appeared to him a creature out of place,

With iron-plated overcoat and dirty little face.

A crawfish at the point of death came drifting down the drains.

Said he, "I'm scalded to the heart with bathing near the bore."

The turtle and the water rat disputed his remains,

For crawfish meat all day they'd eat, and then they'd ask for more.

Said Dan-di-dan, "The prize is mine, for I was fishing here

Before you tumbled down the bank and landed on your ear."

"I wouldn't care," the turtle said, "if you'd have fished a year."

So Baggy-beak the Pelican was asked to arbitrate;

The scales of justice seemed to hang beneath his noble beak.

He said, "I'll take possession of the subject of debate";

He stowed the fish inside his pouch and then began to speak.

"The case is far from clear," he said, "and justices of note" --

But here he snapped his beak and flapped his piebald overcoat --

"Oh dear," he said, "that wretched fish has slithered down my throat."

"But still," he said, "the point involved requires a full debate.

I'll have to get the lawyer birds and fix a special day.

Ad interim I rule that costs come out of the estate."

And Baggy-beak the Pelican got up and flew away.

So both the pair who went to law were feeling very small.

Said they, "We might have halved the fish and saved a nasty brawl;

For half a crawfish isn't much, but more than none at all."