Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

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It’s nice to have Bytes functioning normally again and for Funny Friday to go out when it’s supposed to.

Enjoy today’s humour, Byters, but there is some risqué content.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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A man goes for a walk in the park. On his walk, he sees two men sitting on a park bench and looking very down.

“What’s wrong?” he asked them.

One of the men looks up at the man and lets out a long sigh: “Take a seat and I’ll tell you.”

Curious, he sits down next to the two men.

“The paint’s wet,” the man says.

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After the Change of Command ceremony at an Army base, the new base commander sees a bench being guarded by two Privates. He asks the outgoing base commander the story behind that, outgoing base commander says it was that way when he took command. They check with the guy before, it was that way when he took command. Going back through prior commanders at the base, it was always like that when they took command. Eventually, they reach a 100 year old retired General. When they ask him, he’s incredulous - “You mean the paint still isn’t dry?”.

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The Olympian gold medallist in cross-country-skiing was being interviewed on TV and it came up in the interview that, what with training and all, he hadn't seen his wife for more than a year.

The interviewer asked, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "So, what's the first thing you plan to do when you get home, then?"

The gold medallist blushed furiously and said "No, no, I can't answer that on television, that is way too personal! Why don't you ask me, instead, the second thing I will do when I get home?"

"Alright, fine, what is the second thing you will do when you get home?"

The gold medallist responded, "Take my skis off.”

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A kindergarten student was having trouble putting on his boots, and asked his teacher for help.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. Finally they got both boots on. She grimaced when the little boy said, "They're on the wrong feet."

Sure enough, they were. The teacher kept her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the correct feet. The little boy then announced, "These aren't my boots." The teacher sighed and pulled the boots off.

The boy then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

The teacher felt like crying, but she mustered up the strength to wrestle the boots back onto his feet. "Now," she said, "where are your mittens?"

The boy replied, "I stuffed them in my boots...."

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A farmer drove over to his neighbour’s house and knocked on the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says

“I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.”

“Well,” The farmer said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.”

The boy thought for a moment then said

“You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

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It’s the postman’s last day before retiring.

When he gets to Mrs Cohen’s house she opens the door, asks him to come inside and takes him to the kitchen where she gives him a bowl of chicken soup. When he has finished the soup she takes him upstairs, where she proceeds to make love to him.

Afterwards she gives him a 5 dollar bill.

The postman is confused and says “Mrs Cohen, you have given me chicken soup, made love to me and now you give me a five dollar note. I’m puzzled.”

She replies: "Ahhh, this morning I told my husband that this was your last day and I asked what we should give you. He said ‘Fuck him, give him five dollars,’ but the soup was my idea.”

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