Friday, May 4, 2018

Funny Friday

Welcome to Funny Friday on this international Star Wars day, derived from the above saying. It has been reported that the phrase was first used on May 4, 1979, the day Margaret Thatcher took office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, that her political party, the Conservatives, placed a congratulatory advertisement in The London Evening News, saying "May the Fourth Be with You, Maggie. Congratulations." 

Needless to say, there is an emphasis on Star Wars humour in today’s post. 



Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia but about to fly home to watch the Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor. "Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey!" said Wiremu. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal. "No way, doc," replied Wiremu. "I'm gitting a sicond opinion, ey!" 

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment. 

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust. The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv Prostate suckness, ey." "What's the cure thin, doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer. "Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor, "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls." 

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!" 

The wife and I have decided to go on a diet before our holiday in the States. We don't want to feel self conscious on the beach. It's going well, so far we've both put on fifteen kilos. 

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and plowed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. 

Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. 

In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. "Astonishing!" said the truck driver to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?" 

"Oh, that was tollgate booth paste." 

An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and …… soda.” The bartender says, “Sure thing—but why the little pause?” “Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.” 

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.” 

Jabba the Hutt slithers into the food court. The cashier says, “Hey! We have a pizza place named after you!” Jabba says, “You have a pizza place named Jabba Desilijic Tiure?” 



Corn Corner: 

I’ve lost my scapegoat. 
I have nobody to blame but myself. 

Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. 
Guess I really am independent. 

Who led the Jews through a semi permeable membrane? 

Did Thor ever mention he had a brother? 
He was very low-key about it.

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