Thursday, May 3, 2018

Musings and Miscellany


In case you missed it: 

A man by the name of Ihsas Khan is presently being tried in Sydney on charges of committing a terrorist act and wounding with intent to murder after stabbing a man in 2016. The following is an extract from yesterday’s news report: 
Prosecutor Peter Neil SC said Khan had planned to attack a stranger on September 11 - the anniversary of the al-Qaeda plane attacks on the United States.  
Khan had on a previous day spotted his victim wearing a "USA" t-shirt and decided to exact "revenge for what he regarded as injustices for Muslims in the Middle East", Mr Neil said.  
But Mr Greenhalgh said on the day of the attack he was actually wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the words: "World's greatest farter... I mean father."

Caution: risqué content ahead. 

The Royal piercing:

It’s a little disappointing that the newest Royal has been named Louis. I was hoping that his parents would select “Albert” as his moniker but I guess it may rank as child abuse to give him a lifetime name synonymous with genital piercing. Indeed the Prince Albert is one of the most common and best known piercings, consisting of a ring or bolt through the end of the penis. 

It is a myth that Prince Albert, the husband of Queen Victoria, developed it to downplay his appendage in tight trousers. According to Wikipedia: 
The origin of this piercing is unknown. Many theories suggest that the piercing was used to secure the penis in some manner, rather than having a sexual or cultural purpose.  
In modern times, the Prince Albert piercing was popularized by Jim Ward in the early 1970s. In West Hollywood, Ward met Richard Simonton (aka Doug Malloy) and Fakir Musafar. Together, these men further developed the Prince Albert piercing. Malloy published a pamphlet in which he concocted fanciful histories of genital piercings in particular. These apocryphal tales—which included the notion that Albert, the Prince Consort invented the piercing that shares his name in order to tame the appearance of his large penis in tight trousers—are widely circulated as urban legend. No historical proof of their veracity has been located independent of Malloy's assertions.

“For those playing the home game, this is called a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. I'm sure Albert said, ‘Victoria, I'm dying. I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a bolt through the cock after me.’ “ 

- Robin Williams 

Most beautiful words in English. 

In 2004, to mark its 70th anniversary, the British Council (he UK’s international organisation for cultural relations and educational opportunities).commissioned a survey to identify the 70 most beautiful words in the English language. The group promotes the learning of English around the world and teaches the language to more than half a million people each year, so this undertaking was appropriate.  The survey was given to more than 40,000 people in 102 non-English speaking countries. though many understood the language, to see which words would rise to the top. 

Here is the list of 70 words, feel free to disagree: 

1. Mother 
2. Passion 
3. Smile 
4. Love 
5. Eternity 
6. Fantastic 
7. Destiny 
8. Freedom 
9. Liberty 
10. Tranquillity 
11. Peace 
12. Blossom 
13. Sunshine 
14. Sweetheart 
15. Gorgeous 
16. Cherish 
17. Enthusiasm 
18. Hope 
19. Grace 
20. Rainbow 
21. Blue 
22. Sunflower 
23. Twinkle 
24. Serendipity 
25. Bliss 
26. Lullaby 
27. Sophisticated 
28. Renaissance 
29. Cute 
30. Cosy 
31. Butterfly 
32. Galaxy 
33. Hilarious 
34. Moment 
35. Extravaganza 
36. Aqua 
37. Sentiment 
38. Cosmopolitan 
39. Bubble 
40. Pumpkin 
41. Banana 
42. Lollipop 
43. If 
44. Bumblebee 
45. Giggle 
46. Paradox 
47. Delicacy 
48. Peekaboo 
49. Umbrella 
50. Kangaroo 
51. Flabbergasted 
52. Hippopotamus 
53. Gothic 
54. Coconut 
55. Smashing 
56. Whoops 
57. Tickle 
58. Loquacious 
59. Flip-flop 
60. Smithereens 
61. Oi 
62. Gazebo 
63. Hiccup 
64. Hodgepodge 
65. Shipshape 
66. Explosion 
67. Fuselage 
68. Zing 
69. Gum 
70. Hen night 

* * * * *
Word number 52 reminds me of an item which appeared in Funny Friday some time ago:

Two Indian gentlemen on a train were deep in discussion. 

One said “It is W - O - O - M." 

“No,” said the other, “It is W - O - O - M - B." 

“No, no, no you silly, silly man, it is W - O - O - M !” 

W - O - O - M - B !” 

A refined English lady, looking and sounding somewhat like Dame Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey, overhears and eventually addresses them: 

“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear, the word is spelt W – O – M - B. Womb.” 

One of the Indian gentleman pauses, looks at her and says:

“With all respect madam, we really do not think that you know what it sounds like when a hippopotamus farts underwater.” 

* * * * *
As for Number 61, all I can say is . . .

Okay, one more . . .

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