Friday, August 21, 2020

Funny Friday


It’s an interesting conundrum: Australia, a democracy, has compulsory voting in Federal, State and Local elections where citizens get fined for not voting; the US, also a democracy, leaves it to its citizens to decide whether they vote or not.  What happens to government of the people, by the people, for the people when the people won’t go out and vote? Should the people be forced or do they deserve the governments they get?

Another interesting difference.  In the US they vote for the Pres.  We vote for a candidate in our Federal electorate and the party forming government picks its leader and Prime Minister.

Ponder those points as you relax this Friday with some funnies.

Enjoy the weekend, readers, and stay safe.

The usual warning: risque items ahead.  (I sometimes think that acts more as an enticement than as a warning).



I accidentally called my wife a ‘trophy’ the other day...
She shot back, “Oh come on, just because you always finish first doesn’t mean you win anything!”


Premature ejaculator seeks lady for short term fling.
Lady in question must have large breasts, full lips, a nice ass and... OH GOD... never mind...


I saw them shaking hands
like it was 2019


When googling Gary Oldman, be very careful....
....I forgot the 'r' and went down a rabbit hole I wasn't prepared for.


This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specialising in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.

When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.

They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).

That night they had friends over.

They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.

The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well.

This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.

Well, they said, "let's try this out."

Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounce the command, "Heel!"

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.



An oldie but a goodie:

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlour and tells the artist she would like two tattoos, one of Matt Damon on her left upper thigh and one of George Clooney on her right thigh. After hours of work the tattoo artist is finished and holds a mirror in between the woman’s legs for her to view.

The woman says,'' I don’t know if these really look like Matt Damon and George Clooney and I’m not paying for this if it isn't right!''

The artist says “How about if I get a total stranger off the street. If he says that the tatts look like Matt Damon and George Clooney, you pay me.”

She agreed. They got an old man in and asked him who he thought the tattoos looked like.

The man said "I don't know who the one on the left is, or the one on the right, but the one in the middle is Willie Nelson!"

(An alternative version has the woman in London getting tattoos of Prince Willian and Prince Harry. The man asked to identify them says he doesn’t know who they are but the one in the middle is definitely Boris Johnson).



There was an old man
From Peru, whose lim'ricks all
Look'd like haiku. He

Said with a laugh "I
Cut them in half, the pay is
Much better for two."



Some political items from the Trumpland . . . 



What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?
8 pirates


What’s the largest export of Great Britain?
Independence days


A guy approaches a beautiful young woman in a short dress at the jukebox.
“Wow. Great thong.”

She pours her drink on him and walks away.

“I’m thorry, was it thomething I thaid??!!”


The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”
Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.


A man goes to an ice cream shop and asks the worker "Do you have tuna ice cream?"

The worker looks at him confused and says "no".

The next day the man goes to the same ice cream shop and asks "Do you have tuna ice cream?"

The worker says no again.

The man goes to the ice cream shop for the third time and asks the same question and the worker, fed up, says no and decides he will make tuna ice cream for the man when he comes the next day.

So when the man comes the next day and asks "Do you have tuna ice cream?" the worker says "Yes, I have tuna ice cream,"

The man looks at him disgustingly and says "Yuck!"


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