Friday, October 11, 2013

Funny Friday

Firstly, let me explain why you probably have yesterday’s post (Long Sentences) today, as well as Funny Friday.

As long as I post the day’s item after midnight, the blog server sends out the item to subscribers that morning. That might be at 6.00am, 7.00am etc or whatever time it sends the item. usually it is around those times. Yesterday the server crashed. By the time it was up and running again, the sending deadline had been passed. I am guessing that it will be sent today, instead.

Secondly, using a Charlie Chan expression, honourable Number One son today is admitted as a solicitor of the Supreme Court of New South Wales. He will remain working in my office until March when, after 6 years, he will leave to don the wig and gown, to become an apprentice barrister. In his honour, today’s Funny Friday theme is, what else, lawyers.  Some more lawyer humour in the next few weeks.  

Well done, Thomas.

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Don't Mess with Lawyers.

My dad is a partner in a smallish law firm. He loves nothing better than annoying people and suppliers who piss him off, nothing bad, just minor spats. He loves doing really pointless but perfectly legal things. This is my absolute favourite petty revenge story of all time.

Dad has queried an outstanding payment to an office supplier, its about £3800. He contested it and basically dragged out payment for months. Eventually, he agreed that if they sent someone round he'd pay them cash.

In the meantime, he went to the bank and after discussion with the bank manager, worked out what the legal minimum denomination of notes and coins could be used.

He also went to the garden centre and purchased a cheap, yet sturdy, black dustbin.

As it turns out, you can pay in coins. the resulting amount pretty much filled the dustbin - well 3/4 full. It was almost impossible to move. 4 guys from the office got it upstairs and hid it in Dad's office. They spent half an hour emptying all the coins from their bags.

The debt collectors arrived. Dad made them wait an hour or so for the hell of it. He came out and spoke to them, argued the toss some more. Eventually dad 'caved' and pointed them in the direction of the money. Upon seeing it they groaned and muttered that there's no way they're going to take that. Prepared, Dad immediately hands them a piece of paper and says, “Fine, sign this.” They ask what it is, "It’s to confirm that I offered you full payment and you refused to accept".

They sigh and give in. Dad asks for a receipt. They start counting. Dad has previously removed a pound or so earlier on.

A couple of hours later, they point out that it’s a pound down. Dad denies that's possible, maybe they should recount. They relent and fill out a receipt. They fill the bin back up and start dragging it to the lift. My dad watches on.

The lift arrives and they struggle to get it over the floor divider but panting, they finally get the thing in the lift. As the doors begin to close, my dad sticks his hand between the doors, forcing them to open again.

"Erm lads? Where are you going with my bin?"

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At the risk of killing the above bit of humour, which is from England, given the reference to English pounds, in Australia the Currency Act 1965 regulates how much coinage constitutes legal tender: 

· not exceeding 20c if 1c and/or 2c coins are offered (these coins have been withdrawn from circulation, but are still legal tender);

· not exceeding $5 if any combination of 5c, 10c, 20c and 50c coins are offered; and

· not exceeding 10 times the face value of the coin if $1 or $2 coins are offered.)

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.

"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.

"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"

"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.

They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."

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Limerick spot:

There was a young man from Mich.
Who used to wish and wich.
That spring would come
So he could bum
Around and go out to fich. 

(Mich is an abbreviation of Michigan).

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