Friday, September 2, 2016

Funny Friday

Friday is here, so time for some fun.

My eye fell upon the following news item yesterday:

Why this wedding RSVP card is going viral.

September 1 2016

THIS wedding appears to be a strictly carnivore — and cannibal — affair.

The RSVP invitation features a hilariously odd meal choice, asking guests to choose between beef, pork … and children.

It reads: “Please initial your choice of entree.”

The Sun reports that the response, which is required by September 22, adds: “Please let us know of any dietary restrictions”.

A snap of the hilarious invite is currently doing the rounds on Reddit, with users cracking jokes about what these ‘dietary restrictions’ might be.

One user wrote: “Dietary restriction: ginger children” while another commented: “Free roaming and gluten free please.”

Another Redditer joked: “I prefer mine deboned and deveined,” though this was disputed by user GweedotheGreat, who pointed out: “Nah, man. You don’t want to miss out on that delicious bone marrow.”

One said: “I’ll have the Hansel and Gretel” and another quipped: “I’m Kosher. So only Jewish children, please.”

A hungry Redditer said: “I’ll have a succulent six year old.”

In response, user ThisNameForRent warned: “Easy pal. I couldn’t finish the last 2 year old I had, and I hate wasting food.”

The post was submitted by user moxin84, who captioned the image “I’ll have the 10 year old, please, medium rare…”.

That also sets the theme for today’s Funny Friday: weddings and marriage.

A police officer stops a motorist speeding down Main Street. ‘

But officer,’ the man says, ‘I can explain—’ 

‘Be quiet,’ snaps the officer. ‘I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.’ 

‘But, officer, I just wanted to say—’ says the driver. 

‘And I say keep quiet! You’re going to jail!’ replies the officer. 

A few hours later the officer looks in on his prisoner and says, ‘Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.’ 

‘Don’t count on it,’ answers the motorist. ‘I’m the groom.’”

A couple was getting married, and it was only three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. “Mom,” she says, “I just found out that my fiancĂ©’s mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding.” 

The bride’s mother thinks for a minute. “Don’t worry,” she tells her daughter. “I’ll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony.” 

“But mother,” says the bride, “that dress cost a fortune. What will you do with it? It’s such a waste not to use it.” 

“Who said I won’t use it?” her mother asked. “I’ll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner.””

My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Leichhardt they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. 

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" 

The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" 

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."


Corn Corner:

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence.

When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.

My wife tells me I'm a skeptic, but I don't believe a word she says.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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