Friday, June 23, 2017

Funny Friday

 . . .and what better day to have a merry heart than Bytes' Funny Friday. the theme being religion.

A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. 

"What denomination?" asked the clerk. 

"Oh, my goodness! Have we come to this?" said the woman. 

"Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic!"

As the storm raged, the captain realised his ship was sinking fast. 
He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" 
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." 
"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. 
Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story. 
Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman. 
The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve. 
Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "This is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"

A zoo-keeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. 
In surprise he asked the monkey "Why are you reading both those books"? 
"I want to know, said the monkey, "whether I am my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother." 

Bacon proves God has a sense of humor.

He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.

God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he appears on toast.

Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. 

Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are."


Corn Corner:

Not on the topic of religion, but I like it . . .

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of accordion players. They called ground control with a list of demands. Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one accordion player an hour. 

. . . back on the theme:

Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? 

A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

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