Friday, November 4, 2022



A mixed bag of humour this week, but hopefully all will inspire a laugh, a giggle or at least a smile . . . although some are groaners.

Enjoy the weekend, readers.



A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.

"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"

"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.

"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."

A racist, an anti-semite and a black man walk into a bar.

“What will Ye have?”

A couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on my door. When I answered, they asked "May we come in and talk to you about Jehovah?"

I said sure and walked them to my living room. After sitting down, I said “Ok, what do you want to talk about?”

They replied, "We're not really sure sir, we haven't ever made it this far before."

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.  His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, - "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where's the money?”

Guido signs back "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head, and says "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"



This one's for Tim B, who resides in the subject location of the limerick . . .

A lady from way down in Ga
Became quite a notable fa.
But she faded from view
With a quaint I O U
That she’d signed ‘(Miss) Lucrezia Ba’.





What’s worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

If five ants rent a flat and then another five join them.

Are they tenants?

I've just started reading a book in braille.

Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I just found out that Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween.

I guess they don’t like random strangers showing up at their door.

My wife left me because I am "ignorant" and "apathetic".

I don't know what that means and I don't care.

What do rich people say when tickling their little kids?

Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.

My wife has claimed I’m too obsessed with eighties music

I said to her “Don’t, don’t you want me?”

Why did the Japanese name a car Datsun?

The Japanese built a new car but they could not agree on a name. They knew the Germans were really good at naming cars so they called them up on Friday and told them they need a name by Monday. The Germans said “Dat soon?!”



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