Friday, November 25, 2022



Enjoy, dear readers . . .



Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...

Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Guy: Thanks. I really needed this yob.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

Last winter I was at work and my wife text me saying "Windows frozen".

I sent one back saying "Pour lukewarm water on it".

A few minutes later she text back saying "The computer's completely fucked now."


What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 45 pounds.

What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
45 minutes.


A local charity realised that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer thought about it for a minute and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the volunteer mumbled, "Um... No."

"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken volunteer began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.

"Third, that my sister's husband died in a horrific traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated volunteer, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "... And I don't give them any goddamn money, so why should I give any to you?!?"



Up the street sex is sold by the piece
And I wish that foul traffic would cease;
It’s a shame and improper,
And I’d phone for a copper
But that’s where you’ll find the police.





A friend told me my thinking is too one-dimensional.

I can't imagine y.

2 guys walk into a bar.

The first guys says I'll get H2O.

The second guys says I'll get H2O too.

He died.

(H2O2 = Hydrogen Peroxide).

It doesn't matter how kind you are

German children are always Kinder.

Batman says to Alfred, “I’m really tired Alfred, it's been an exhausting day, please can you just get the bathtub ready for me?"

Alfred replies, "Master Wayne, what is a htub?"

Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman?

She wrote him a John Deere letter.

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