Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

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Hello again Byters.

Friday already? Time flies. Groucho Marx once said, time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Last week’s theme for Funny Friday was money, today there are some jokes about the lack thereof thrown in.

Caution:

Some risque language ahead.

Enjoy.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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When I was young, I was poor.

After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.

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Poor Prince Philip (10 June 1921 – 9 April 2021), missed out by two months on getting a letter from his wife.

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Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You can’t imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

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When I was young we were really poor.

On my 6th birthday, my mother put 3 candles on a cake and stuck it in front of a mirror.

Reader comment:

You lucky rich brat, you had a mirror and whopping 3 candles. We were so poor that I had to light and blow the same candle six times.

Sounds a bit like the Monty Python skit about 4 Yorkshiremen:

http://www.bytesdaily.com.au/search?q=yorkshiremen

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enrol him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fucking around.”

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You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three year old grandson.

It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long … easy, boy.”

Another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Grandpa says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool, William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says to the elderly man, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” said the grandpa, “but I’m William. The little shit’s name is Kevin!”

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I think my ex-girlfriend fell into poverty since we broke up.

Every time I call her, she says, “Please leave me a loan.”

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An American walks into a Swiss bank with two large bags. He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a Swiss bank account now"

The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."

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Two clowns are eating a cannibal.

Suddenly, one turns to the other and says, "I think I fucked up the joke."

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One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, come along with me then.” the man from the limousine said excitedly.

“But sir, I have a wife with two children!” “Bring them along! And you, come with us too!” he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered. “Bring them as well!”

So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine.

One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The rich man replied, “No, thank you… the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!”

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