Wednesday, April 27, 2011

More puns...

"Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water."

Dave Barry

The following puns were emailed by Byter "Throw him off the lifeboat" Leo:

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said. A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Bugger that, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an NRMA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

In fairness to Leo, he is not responsible for the following:

Roy Rogers buys himself a pair of specially made, hand tooled leather boots. That night, as he is asleep in his bunk with his boots on the floor next to him, a tom cat starts making a racket on the fence outside the window. Roy puts up with the noise as long as he is able until finally, in exasperation, he throws his new boots at it to drive it away. The next morning he goes outside to retrieve the boots, only to find that they have been chewed up by the cat. Angry and annoyed, he places an ad in Variety offering a reward for the cat.

The next morning the doorbell rings.  When Roy opens the door, he finds Bing Crosby standing on the doorstep holding a cat by the scruff of the neck. Bing sings “Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”

(For those younger Byters who do not understand the above, ask your parents or grandparents).

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