Friday, January 17, 2014

Funny Friday - More Hospital Humour

Caution: risque language and content . . .

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Hospitals hate it when you unplug things to charge your phone without asking first.

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"Push harder!" I shouted to my wife while she was in labour. "Fuck off you bastard!" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought - it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.

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Just reading a magazine in the waiting room at the hospital...

Apparently Posh Spice and David Beckham are an item.

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Apparently this is a true story . . . 

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

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A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."

He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic! That's wonderful news!"

The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"

She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn't tell me a word!"

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A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well," the man says, "it's like this; I was playing a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white on its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and, sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it--stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" the doctor asks.

"Well," the man replies, "I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife 'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't remember much after that."

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Limerick Spot

, ` & #
$ @ | + . -
8 7 6 5 4
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(Comma tick ampersand hash,
Dollar at pipe plus dot dash.
Eight sev'n six five four,
Quote star underscore,
Question mark semi-colon bang MASH.) 

[A mash or mashup is a computer programmer term that means a web development (web page or web app) that uses and combines data, presentation or functionality from two or more sources to create new services.]

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