Friday, February 14, 2014

Funny Friday

Byter Jess, who is also a member of our Trivia team, was driving when she saw a large Huntsman spider walk across her windscreen. Spiders creep me out, I’m not afraid to say it, and if that makes me less than a complete man, so be it. Hunstmans come under the category of FBS, Big Spiders, and a FBS is heaps creepier than a FSS.

When Jess arrived at our house she asked Number 1 Son Thomas to check out her car. I don’t blame her.

I sent her a couple of pics of spiders by SMS and received replies, as follows

    My pic sent:

    Jess:  Ewww!!! I’m still scared shitless!

    My further pic sent:

    Jess:  And it did disappear!

So guess what the theme is today. . .

(some swearing)

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I said to my girlfriend, "Please get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

That spider never knew what hit it.

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A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. 

"They're mating," her father replied. 

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. 

"Daddy Longlegs" the father replied

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. 

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, He replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." 

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then, raised her foot, stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback-Mountain shit in our garden."

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Btw, speaking of Daddy Longlegs . . . 

A man poked what he thought was some hair, only to get a huge surprise.

See it at:

The arachnids are thought to be opiliones — more commonly called harvestmen or, in the U.S., daddy longlegs — which are known to congregate en masse.

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A few years ago I had a mate who had epilepsy.

I wish I had known, I just thought he kept walking into spider webs.

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My wife just told me to grow a pear...

What the fuck does fruit have to do with killing this spider?

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I'll never understand how a woman can pour boiling wax onto her upper thigh and rip the hair out by the root...

...but still be afraid of a harmless little spider.

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Corn Corner:

I saw a huge spider wearing a turban and carrying an AK-47 yesterday and I completely shit myself.

I'm guessing I have Iraqnophobia.

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