Friday, January 17, 2020

Funny Friday


Welcome to Funny Friday, readers.

The top story in the news in Oz, after the bushfires, remains Megxit (one person has suggested that a more appropriate term would be Harryverdici πŸ˜‚ ) so some Harry humour follows.

Enjoy, readers.

See you soon, Noel.




Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialised and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastically. We fight all the time, and we never seem to do anything together anymore. I'm starting to think there's someone else here too, like she's cheating on me. Ben, I'm not sure what to do."

Obi-Wan responded "Use divorce, Luke.”


I told my psychiatrist I have suicidal thoughts.

He told me I now have to pay in advance.


A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The guy replies, "I just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Can you help me, you fat ugly bastard?"


When Meghan was told Harry had gotten the Queen cross, she said “What's that got to do with me? Sew it on his uniform with the rest of the shit.”


Q: If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry?

A: A Bris-kit.



A local charity office realised that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the charity rep mumbled, "Um... no."

"-- or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"  

The stricken charity rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "-- or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated charity rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

The lawyer cut him off once again: "-- so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!"



From moi:

Independence did Harry evince,
Her Maj he tried to convince.
Now his job’s tossed,
Will his title be lost
For the Royal formerly called Prince?



Grab some jewels on the way out, Meghan

and a repost from earlier this week, worth another round . . .

. . . an alternative version . . . 




Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife.
The postmaster says, "This package is too heavy, you’ll need another stamp."
Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?!"


A guy successfully cloned himself, the only problem was the clone for some reason had a very dirty mouth. He explained to his clone “You have to stop this swearing and nasty talking, people think you're me.”
It did no good.
Finally he took his clone for a long walk in the mountains and pushed him off a steep cliff.
He was arrested by the police and charged with Making an Obscene Clone Fall.


I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.


"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.



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