Friday, July 13, 2018

Funny Friday


Today is Funny Friday the 13th. 

A few days ago I posted a limerick and some haiku. Long term readers will know of my fondness for those literary forms so today some more of the same, interspersed with some other items. Enjoy. 


Some haiku: 

The rule for today. 
Touch my tail, I shred your hand. 
New rule tomorrow. 

I met a man, Stan. 
His nature is Afghani. 
Yes! Afghanistan. 

Anyone can write 
a haiku - just stop at the 
seventeenth syllab 

Counting syllables 
seventeen is not enough 
eighteen would be bet 

A haiku about stepping on a lego . . .
fuck shit god dammit 
motherfucking shit ow ow 
fuck shit fuck fuck fuck 


Some Worldf Cup items . . . 

An Englishman and a Frenchman are chatting in a bar. Englishman says, "We're playing Croatia on Wednesday." Frenchman replies, "What a coincidence, we're playing them on Sunday." 

Things that didn’t exist the last time England reached the semi-finals: 

and . . . 



Some limericks: 

There was a young woman named Alice 
Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 
She said, "I do this 
From a great need to piss, 
And not from sectarian malice." 

Alternative version . . . 
There was a young lady named Alice 
Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 
The padre agreed 
‘Twas done out of need, 
And not out of Protestant malice. 

A favourite limerick of my father in law, Noel . . .
A certain young sheik of Algiers 
Said to his harem, "My dears, 
You may think it odd of me, 
But I'm tired of sodomy; 
Tonight’s for you ladies." (Loud cheers!

There was a young lady from Bude, 
Who went for a swim in the lake. 
A man in a punt, 
Stuck a pole in her ear, 
And said “You can’t swim here, it’s private” 

(The Poms apparently pronouncer Menzies as “mingis”) 
A lively young damsel named Menzies 
Inquired: “Do you know what this thenzies?” 
Her aunt, with a gasp, 
Replied: “It’s a wasp, 
And you’re holding the end where the stenzies.” 

And one for the US readers . . . 
There was a young fellow from Boise 
Who at times was exceedingly noise; 
So his friends’ joy increased 
When he moved way back east 
To what people in Brooklyn call Joise 



And one from Leo . . . 


Corn Corner: 

One Saturday morning at three, 
A cheese monger's shop in Paree. 
Collapsed to the ground, 
With a thunderous sound, 
Leaving only a pile of de brie. 

A crossword compiler named Moss, 
Who found himself quite at a loss. 
When asked, Why so blue? 
Said, I haven’t a clue, 
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across. 

The incredible Wizard of Oz, 
Retired from his business becoz. 
Due to up-to-date science, 
To most of his clients, 
He wasn't the Wizard he woz. 

A poem: 
Fly like a butterfly, 
Sting like a bee, 
I slept with yo mama, 
Now it burns when I pee.

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