Friday, March 13, 2020

Funny Friday


Welcome to another Funny Friday, a bit of light relief from the stresses of medical matters, Covid concerns and dire disease.  Except that, like the coronavirus itself, there’s no getting away from it here.  Today’s Funny Friday is about matters medical and the coronavirus issue.  So take a moment for a nervous laugh or at least a chuckle . . .



A true story by a doctor . . . 

Do you remember the song Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas? If “yes”, you’ll appreciate this . . .

Here’s the backstory: “I work in a medical clinic and I had a little fun with a patient one day when she complained her kids keep ‘kung fu-ing’ her front door.”

Patient: “They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop.”

Me: “Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?”

Patient: “Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door.”

Me: “Were they fast as lightning?”

Patient: “No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door.”

Me: “I bet it was a little bit frightening.”

Patient: “Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door!”

Me: “Hey, [Patient], c’mon, I just gave the first part of the song. Don’t leave me hangin’ here”.

Patient: “I know, but I don’t know the rest of the song!”

Whilst in that vein (ha ha), here is a collection of true anecdotes about medical mistakes submitted by doctors to a site called  Here is the link:


A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new patch every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson


I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "What kills the coronavirus?"

She said "Ammonia cleaner"

I said "Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you worked here."


Ok, so if the coronavirus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?



A man attends at his doctor’s surgery after test results come back. The doctor says “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What is the bad news, doctor?” asks the man. The doctor says “The tests show that you have terminal cancer and only a short time to live.” “Oh my God,” says the man, “What is the good news?” “Well, says the doctor, “did you see the cute little receptionist when you came in? I’m taking her out tonight.”



By moi:

("Dunny": Australian and New Zealand slang for toilet)

The world’s in a terrible stew
About this virus that’s scary and new.
Yet it seems somewhat funny
Paper meant for the dunny
Is making us all go cuckoo.



Sent to me Rosie J:

Sent to me by friend Tom C, who is Italian by birth and was visiting Italy, which is now in lockdown (and so therefore is Tom) . . . 

And a miscellameous collection . . . 



Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.

I just found out I'm colourblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.

A man walks into the doctor’s and the doctor says, "I haven’t seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

A sign on a breast enhancement clinics says:
“If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.”


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