Saturday, May 27, 2023

NEWS . . .



A man has been caught trying to smuggle a 21.6 centimetres (eight-and-a-half inches) pair of scissors into a jail, by hiding them in his anus.

Staff made the discovery as they processed him for a stay at La Porte County Jail in the US state of Indiana. Suspicions were raised when the arrested suspect refused to cooperate during a routine search. The scissors were detected via body scan.

Authorities did not reveal further details about the man or what he was arrested for but did say that since the full-body scanner was first used in the jail in 2017, it had recovered a string of items including tattooing equipment, drugs, and "paraphernalia".

Reminds me of the story of the elderly man in a country town who went to the doctor complaining of stomach pains. The doctor presribed suppoitories.

A few days later the doctor met him on the sttreet and asked how the suppositorie were going.

“Bloody useless,” said the old man. “For all the good they’re doing I might as well have shoved them up my arse.”


The following item, not quoted in full, is verbatim from the Daily Mail:

Of all the gaudy embellishments that billionaires have commissioned for their superyachts in recent years, few have come close to the vulgarity that graces the Koru — Jeff Bezos's new, £400 million floating pleasure palace.

On the vessel's prow, her bare breasts thrusting out over the waves, is a carved wooden figurehead that bears a striking resemblance to the Amazon founder's new fiancee, Lauren Sanchez.

Above the sculpture's gravity-defying cleavage is a necklace bearing the 'koru', a spiral based on an unfurling fern frond: in Maori art, it's a symbol of new life and growth. Given that the couple announced their engagement only this week, that seems appropriate.

If ever an engagement ring could match that figurehead for sheer overblown opulence, it is surely the gargantuan rock Sanchez was flashing last weekend as she and Bezos holidayed together in the South of France. Experts estimate the diamond could be as much as 30 carats and have cost more than £4 million.

Bezos, a notorious control freak, had reportedly waited until he took possession of the yacht last month before proposing to Sanchez during its maiden voyage.



A government food inspector in India has been suspended after he ordered an entire reservoir with millions of litres of water to be drained when he dropped his Samsung device while taking a selfie.

According to the BBC, it took three days for Rajesh Vishwas to find his phone. But by then, it was too broken to use from being so waterlogged.

Mr Vishwas has been accused of misusing his position, the outlet reported, despite claiming the phone held sensitive government data which needed saving.

The government official dropped his $1,200 phone into the Kherkatta Dam, in the central Indian state of Chhattisgarh.

Indian media quoted a video statement by Mr Vishwas in which he said he paid for a diesel pump after local divers could not find the phone. He reportedly said he had verbal permission from an official to drain “some water into a nearby canal”, and that the official even said it would help the farmers by giving them more water. Over several days, the pump emptied out roughly two million litres (440,000 gallons) of water before another official who had received a complaint turned up to stop him.


A man has been praised for the revenge he took against his nuisance neighbours who would keep him up singing their lungs out during the night. He explained that a young couple moved into the apartment next to him about two months ago - and about how they would constantly be playing music or singing at all hours of the day.

Fed up, he came up with a master plan to put a stop to it once and for all. Taking to Reddit, he said: "The walls are paper thin and they love to blast music and sing really loud but they sound horrible.”

"Their bathroom is right against my bedroom wall and they'll sing at the top of their lungs at 3am or when I'm in a Teams meeting. I've asked them if they could keep it down multiple times but they just ignored me and called me an a***hole for having a problem with them being happy and singing - or told me to get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.”

"I felt like they have no respect for their neighbours because the other guy next to them doesn't want to hear them screeching at the top of their lungs either."

To get his own back, he borrowed a set of speakers from a friend and pressed them up against their adjoining wall before blasting The Trashmen's Surfin Bird - The Bird is the Word for 14 hours straight.

"I put it on full blast and started playing Bird is the Word on repeat from 8am when there is no noise ordinance against noise," he added.

"The wall even trembles. I definitely woke them up after their late night.”

"Every time the song ends I could hear them banging against the wall telling me shut up.

"They came knocking on my door extremely p***ed off and I just told them 'What kind of a***hole are you that you don't like music' and slammed the door."

Before taking such drastic measures, he spoke to his other surrounding neighbours to get their approval, with many praising him for making a stand.

Hear Surfin' Bird by clicking on:

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