Friday, December 23, 2016

Funny Festive Friday

'Twas the Friday before Christmas and time for some Friday Funnies.

As usual, there are some risque items, so continue at yown risk.

It was a cold and misty Christmas morning in the very depth of Winter after a heavy fall of snow and only one farmer and the minister managed to arrive at the church for the morning service. “Well”, said the clergyman “'I guess there's no point in having a service today.” “Well that's not how I see it,” said the farmer. “If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.'

Three Wise Women

(as opposed to Three Wise Men) 

Do you know what would have happened if there had been Three Wise WOMEN instead of Three Wise MEN? 

The WOMEN would have: 

- Asked directions, - Arrived on time,

- Helped deliver the baby,

- Cleaned the stable,

- Made a casserole, and

- Brought practical gifts (like diapers!)

A re-post but a classic oldie from days gone by . . . 

A lady went into a music store seeking a Christmas record. For those among us who don’t know what records are, they were the flat black vinyl discs you played on a ‘record player’ in the days before compact discs and DVD’s and audio tape. The records came as LP’s, meaning Long Play (sometimes called a 10 inch), and singles. 

The lady who goes to the shop says to the young guy behind the counter “Have you got Jingling Bells on a 10 inch?” He says “No, but I’ve got dangling balls on a 7 inch.” “Is that a record?” she asks. “Maybe not,” he replies, “but it’s not bad for a lad of 17.”

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. 




His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures illustrating Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed one little boy was drawing an airplane! "Oh, what Bible story are you drawing?" she asked. "This is the Flight into Egypt," the little boy answered. "See, here is Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And this," he said, pointing to the front of the plane, "is Pontius. He's the Pilot."

Three buildings in town were overrun by possums—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the possums were back.

The hardware store humanely trapped the possums and set them free outside town. But three days later, the possums climbed back in.

Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptised the possums and made them members. Now they see them only at Christmas and Easter.


Corn Corner:

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it for weeks, finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. In July he received the explanation on a postcard: "No L."

A boy wanted to be Joseph in the Sunday School pageant. He was cast as the landlord and objected loudly, but to no avail. When the pageant was presented, Mary and Joseph knocked on the door and asked him if he had a room for them. The boy smiled and said, "Yes, sure. Lots of room. Come on in!"

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